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Money should be spent on creating new public buildings, such as museums and town halls, rather than renovating existing ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.3

Money should be spent on creating new public buildings, such as museums and town halls, rather than renovating existing ones. v. 3
At this moment in time the government are constructing a lot of infrastructures. Using finances in right meaningful way which I agree to this notion because a lot of people will benefit from this advancement. To start with, creating new public building is a positive way to invest most of the funds the government are earning. For example, in the Philippines the current president and his cabinet members are already pushing for the massive infrastructure plan he devise. New public highways, land-ports and city halls have been erected due to this motive of the incumbent politicians. The masses can use this public transportation building to mitigate their problems when it comes to traveling to different parts of the country. It would also give the masses the sense of fulfillment they were craving for in past few years. In addition, Money that have been spent in this kind of way can give forth trust of the public to their legislators. Which in time can also bolster the sense of security and camaraderie in that nation. Moreover building a lot of museum and library could help young individuals in their education specifically in doing their homework. It could ease up the burden of the students on how they could finish their work. As well as the learning materials that they could borrow and for their references in school and in their home. In conclusion, I emphatically agree to the notion hat investing money into building public infrastructure could bolster the country’s economy. It would also improve way of living of their people in their daily activities.
At this moment in time the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are constructing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
infrastructures. Using finances in right meaningful way which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will benefit from this advancement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, creating new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way to invest most of the funds the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are earning.
For example
, in the Philippines the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
president and his cabinet members are already pushing for the massive infrastructure plan he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "devises", "devised".
devise
. New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
highways, land-ports and city halls have
been erected
due to this motive of the incumbent politicians. The masses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
to mitigate their problems when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to traveling to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the country. It would
also
give the masses the sense of fulfillment they were craving for in past few years.

In addition
, Money that have
been spent
in this kind of way can give forth trust of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to their legislators. Which in time can
also
bolster the sense of security and camaraderie in that nation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
Possible agreement error. The noun museum seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of museums".
a lot of museum
and library could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young individuals in their education
specifically
in doing their homework. It could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
up the burden of the students on how they could finish their work.
As well
as the learning materials that they could borrow and for their references in school and in their home.

In conclusion
, I
emphatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the notion hat investing money into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
infrastructure could bolster the country’s economy. It would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
way of living of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their daily activities.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Money should be spent on creating new public buildings, such as museums and town halls, rather than renovating existing ones. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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