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Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss v.1

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss v. 1
Rearing children is not a simple task to do. People are divided into two groups with different views, one who presumes, parents should be vigilant towards their children's daily actions. However, another group reckon in their liberty. This essay will analyze both the views with my support that offsprings should only be monitored up to a certain age Indeed, the world out there might not be a beautiful place for every child, while, children are the most vulnerable part of the society to fall an easy prey; they are too young to comprehend the intentions of others. Therefore, parents should explicitly be alert about their little loved ones, until they attain the adequate maturity level. Besides this, the parents should meticulously keep an eye on children's online activities as well, since a myriad of misleading information and an unknown virtual world, sometimes could leave an adverse effect on their personalities. For instance, according to the international cybercrime team, around 3000 cases of child abuse and exploitation are reported each day from all around the world. On the contrary, freedom of making small decisions, until a certain age boosts their confidence and renders them to make the right life and career choices, when needed. Moreover, parents should teach their children how they can make the appropriate choices instead of doing this for them. For example, a survey was conducted in 2018 on 500 children aged from 8 to 16 by the University of Virginia. They had reported, surprisingly, 87% of the children had extraordinary confidence in their personalities and clarity about their career choices, which make minor decisions on an everyday basis. In conclusion, apparently, learning from their own experiences for children is better than knowledge imparted by parents. However, parents have to be adequately conscious to prevent their children from being victims of any crime.
Rearing
children
is not a simple task to do.
People
are divided
into two groups with
different
views, one who presumes,
parents
should be vigilant towards their children's daily actions.
However
, another group reckon in their liberty. This essay will analyze both the views with my support that
offsprings
should
only
be monitored
up to a certain
age


Indeed
, the world out there might not be a
beautiful
place for every child, while,
children
are the most vulnerable part of the society to fall an easy prey; they are too young to comprehend the intentions of others.
Therefore
,
parents
should
explicitly
be alert about their
little
loved
ones, until they attain the adequate maturity level.
Besides
this, the
parents
should
meticulously
keep
an eye on children's online activities
as well
, since a myriad of misleading information and an unknown virtual world,
sometimes
could
leave
an adverse effect on their personalities.
For instance
, according to the international cybercrime team, around 3000 cases of child abuse and exploitation
are reported
each day from all around the world.

On the contrary
, freedom of making
small
decisions, until a certain age boosts their confidence and renders them to
make
the right life and career choices, when needed.
Moreover
,
parents
should teach their
children
how they can
make
the appropriate choices
instead
of doing this for them.
For example
, a survey
was conducted
in 2018 on 500
children
aged from 8 to 16 by the University of Virginia. They had reported,
surprisingly
, 87% of the
children
had extraordinary confidence in their personalities and clarity about their career choices, which
make
minor decisions on an everyday basis.

In conclusion
,
apparently
, learning from their
own
experiences for
children
is better than knowledge imparted by
parents
.
However
,
parents
have to
be
adequately
conscious to
prevent
their
children
from being victims of any crime.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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