Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both sides. v.2

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. v. 2
It is often debated how much freedom children should have. Although some people believe that the activities of children should be monitored closely by parents, others oppose this viewpoint. I, however, believe that parental supervision is only necessary until they are mature. Children should be monitored until they reach a certain age because they are unaware of the world outside the secure environment of the home and they are not mature enough to understand the difference between good and bad. Consequently, they can fall an easy prey to a bad company of friends, if not guided by parents. Furthermore, the internet has a lot to offer apart from knowledge and information. To exemplify, one of my friend’s daughters misused social media websites to send obscene / vulgar messages to her male friends to draw their attention. These types of instances can be avoided if children use the internet under the surveillance of their parents. On the other hand, there are some valid reasons to give children the freedom to make their choices. Firstly, after they reach a certain level of maturity, children should be encouraged to make their own decision. This practice will help them learn faster than those who are dependent on their parents for making decisions for them. Actually, learning from one’s own mistakes is easier than learning from the knowledge imparted by one’s parents. In conclusion, I believe that until a certain age, children need parental guidance; however, once they are mature, they should be allowed to make their own decisions because this practice will help them to achieve greater success than when they are dependent on their parents.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated how much freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the activities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be monitored
closely
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, others oppose this viewpoint. I,
however
, believe that parental supervision is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
necessary until they are mature.

Children should
be monitored
until they reach a certain age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are unaware of the world outside the secure environment of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to understand the difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Consequently
, they can fall an easy prey to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of friends, if not guided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Furthermore
, the internet has a lot to offer apart from knowledge and information. To exemplify, one of my friend’s daughters misused social media websites to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
obscene / vulgar messages to her male friends to draw their attention. These types of instances can
be avoided
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet under the surveillance of their parents.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid reasons to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their choices.
Firstly
, after they reach a certain level of maturity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision. This practice will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn faster than those who are dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for making decisions for them. Actually, learning from one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes is easier than learning from the knowledge imparted by one’s parents.

In conclusion
, I believe that until a certain age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need parental guidance;
however
, once they are mature, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this practice will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to achieve greater success than when they are dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts