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Some people think parents should supervise their children s activity closely while others believe that children should have more freedom discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people think parents should supervise their children s activity closely while others believe that children should have more freedom 1
Equality has come a long way in the working environment. There are certain people who argue that woman have equal rights as men and should be given the same opportunities. However, this is refuted by others who feel that women are not able to perform various tasks which men can do. This essay will discuss both views before coming to a reasonable conclusion. Jobs that require heavy lifting are usually given to men. This is due to the perception that women are weak and fragile. They are justifiably worried about the health and safety of women more than men. For example, in the aviation industry, there are tasks which supervisors will only issue to men because the stain and workload with little to no supervision, however, if that same work is given to a woman, he/she will be there to make sure it is done well in a safe environment. As a result, women are reduced to doing less meaningful duties. Conversely, women are smarter and patient. Because of discrimination in the workforce, women prove themselves by their ability to multitask and work in any harsh environment. They tend to approach their responsibilities in a different way compared to men with better precision and care, making them better leaders. For instance, in Nigeria, 60% of businesses with female executives have been successful in the past seven years. Hence, women are able to adapt to any situation. In conclusion, I strongly believe women should be given similar tasks and opportunities because of they are more intelligent and skilled even better than men.
Equality has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
a long way in the working environment. There are certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that woman have equal rights as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same opportunities.
However
, this
is refuted
by others who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not able to perform various tasks which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can do. This essay will discuss both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a reasonable conclusion.

Jobs that require heavy lifting are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. This is due to the perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are weak and fragile. They are
justifiably
worried about the health and safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
For example
, in the aviation industry, there are tasks which supervisors will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
issue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the stain and workload with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no supervision,
however
, if that same work is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a woman, he/she will be there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure it
is done
well in a safe environment.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to doing less meaningful duties.

Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are smarter and patient.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of discrimination in the workforce,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
prove themselves by their ability to multitask and work in any harsh environment. They tend to approach their responsibilities in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
with better precision and care, making them better leaders.
For instance
, in Nigeria, 60% of businesses with female executives have been successful in the past seven years.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are able to adapt to any situation.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
similar tasks and opportunities
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
are more intelligent and skilled even better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think parents should supervise their children s activity closely while others believe that children should have more freedom 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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