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Some people think parents should supervise their children s activity closely while others believe that children should have more freedom discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think parents should supervise their children s activity closely while others believe that children should have more freedom 2
it goes without saying that every parents have their own way of raising children. Therefore, from the perspective of some parents, there should be some restrictions on some activities of their offspring, whilst, others believe that they should give complete freedom to them. In this essay, i would intend to enunciate both aforementioned views in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, some people limit their children' s freedom for some obvious reasons that' s why they restrict them to do some activities. The first and foremost point is that children are innocent, so they may unable to differentiate between right and wrong. Moreover, they prefer to do that in which they show their interest without guessing its result. While parents have experience of life, they can guide their children by supervising their daily activities. On the other hand, many parents advocate that their children have full freedom. There are some viable reasons behind this view. Firstly, since the mind of children is very creative during the early years of their life. Furthermore, they are capable to construct new ideas with the help of their creative mind. Thus, to create restriction of some activities of children by the parents can become obstacles in the holistic development of them. Consequently, it is a very silly idea to limit their freedom. Newton is the well known example to insist that parents ought to give full independence to do their desire activities. By the way of conclusion, it is my opinion that unbridle parenting can be deterimental to the children because it is crucial for the development of early years of children.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
goes without saying that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, from the perspective of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities of their offspring, whilst, others believe that they should give complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to them. In this essay,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would intend to enunciate both aforementioned views in the upcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
limit their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious reasons
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s why they restrict them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities. The
first
and foremost point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are innocent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
Did you mean "may be unable"?
may unable
to differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Moreover
, they prefer to do that in which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest without guessing its result. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have experience of life, they can guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by supervising their daily activities.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
advocate that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable reasons behind this view.
Firstly
, since the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
creative during the early years of their life.
Furthermore
, they are capable to construct new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their creative mind.
Thus
, to create restriction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can become obstacles in the holistic development of them.
Consequently
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
silly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to limit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
. Newton is the well known example to insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to give full independence to do their desire activities.

By the way of conclusion, it is my opinion that
Possible spelling mistake found.
unbridle
parenting can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterimental
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is crucial for the development of early years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think parents should supervise their children s activity closely while others believe that children should have more freedom 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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