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Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, they should be compulsory in the high school education. v.2

Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, they should be compulsory in the high school education. v. 2
Few people hold the idea that visual arts subjects, such as painting and drawing should be added to high school curriculum as compulsory subjects, because they are equally important as other courses. this essay supports the same view and will discuss the importance of such subjects in the forthcoming paragraph, followed by the reasoned conclusion. To begin with, there are several rationales to justify, making art and painting compulsory in high school. On the first hand, visual art is just not about painting and drawing, instead, it will help students to develop necessary life skills, viz. perspective, creativity, and social understandings. According to a survey, it is claimed that integrating arts with other subjects, can raise academic performance, as visual arts is associated with improved literacy. Secondly, it is the responsibility of schools to offer the students with wide range of careers, so that they may have many options available to choose from. For instance, if a student is poor in core subjects, he could have these arts subjects as an alternative to pursue further. however, on the contrary, those who oppose to this says that, making arts compulsory in high school, is not a wise decision, as only those students can reap the benefits of such subjects, who are passionate about such subjects. To be more specific, not interested pupils will take such subject as a burden and will cover it half-heartedly, only to pass that respected course. however, I would say that, to relive the academic burden among students, courses that boost creativity should be a mandatory part of the curriculum. To conclude, although painting and drawing are not every ones cup of tea, still these courses are important for learners at the secondary level.
Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
and drawing should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum as compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay supports the same view and will discuss the importance of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the forthcoming paragraph, followed by the reasoned conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several rationales to justify, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
compulsory in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. On the
first
hand, visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
and drawing,
instead
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop necessary life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, viz. perspective, creativity, and social understandings. According to a survey, it
is claimed
that integrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, can raise academic performance, as visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is associated
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
literacy.
Secondly
, it is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to offer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with wide range of careers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options available to choose from.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is poor in core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, he could have these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as an alternative to pursue
further
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
,
on the contrary
, those who oppose to this says that, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
compulsory in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, is not a wise decision, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can reap the benefits of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, who are passionate about such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. To be more specific, not interested pupils will take such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
as a burden and will cover it half-
heartedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to pass that respected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, I would say that, to relive the academic burden among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that boost creativity should be a mandatory part of the curriculum.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
and drawing are not every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "one"?
ones
cup of tea,
still
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for learners at the secondary level.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, they should be compulsory in the high school education. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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