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Art classess, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Art classess, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. v. 1
Economic development has led to an increase in the purchasing power among individuals, and they are spending more cash on different things as compared to the past. In my view, there are more positive aspects verses the negative impact. In my essay I will discuss both the views, before I draw a conclusion. To embark upon, the economic development of a nation has many positive impacts. Developed countries have a higher employment levels, which leads to increasing their spending power of the individuals. For example, we have seen people spending their money on different things like travel, buying latest devices etc. In addition, this also helps in reducing crime in the country. As most of the people are employed and have disposable income they are able to meet their needs as well as the needs of their loved ones. There is less theft in the country as people are employed and earning good earnings. However, there are some downsides to this. As individuals have a lot of disposable wage, they tend to lose the value of things and money. With technology getting more and advanced each day, people spend a lot of their revenue on latest devices such as mobile phone, laptops, home appliances. Furthermore, this leads to the huge amount of wastage, as people throw away their own devices. In conclusion, having a huge disposable livelihood among the people of the country portrays a positive sign. However, it is important that such earnings needs to be used wisely which can lead to benefiting the whole society.
Economic development has led to an increase in the purchasing power among individuals, and they are spending more cash on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things as compared to the past. In my view, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects verses the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact. In my essay I will discuss both the views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I draw a conclusion.

To embark upon, the economic development of a nation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts. Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a higher employment levels, which leads to increasing their spending power of the individuals.
For example
, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending their money on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things like travel, buying
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
devices etc.
In addition
, this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in reducing crime in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are employed
and have disposable income they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs
as well
as the needs of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. There is less theft in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are employed
and earning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
earnings.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to this. As individuals have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disposable wage, they tend to lose the value of things and money. With technology getting more and advanced each day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their revenue on latest devices such as mobile phone, laptops, home appliances.
Furthermore
, this leads to the huge amount of wastage, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throw away their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices.

In conclusion
, having a huge disposable livelihood among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
portrays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that such earnings needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
which can lead to benefiting the whole society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Art classess, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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