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Art classess, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Art classess, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. v. 2
It is argued by some that art classes should be mandatory in the school curriculum since compare to other subjects, they are as crucial for students’ growth as those. In my opinion, i partly concur with this view. To begin with, art classes make an equal contribution to the growth of a child as other classes. Firstly, art course could help students hone soft skills such as observation skills and hand-eye coordination. To put an object on a page, students tend to inspect things in manifold angles as well as their hands could not draw without the meticulous observation of eyes. Secondly, by studying art courses, children may relieve stress caused by other dull classes and the pressure of getting high marks. For instance, learning dry subjects such as mathematics or physics requires an accuracy, there is an only right answer, however, art classes is disparate. There is not a certain standard in art, children could have a plenty of scope for creativity. Despite the advantages of art classes aforementioned, I believe that art subjects should be made optional rather than compulsory. One problem is that not every student born with a talent of drawing or being passionate for painting, so they could be put under pressure. Regularly obtaining poor score in painting would lower their morale in learning. In addition to this, they are also unmotivated to study art lessons as it could be futile for their future career path. For example, if a student desire to be an entrepreneur, he would focus on high school instead of drawing. In conclusion, from my viewpoint, i do agree with the notion that art classes plays an important role in children’s developments, nonetheless, it should not be required in school.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
should be mandatory in the school curriculum since compare to other subjects, they are as crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
growth as those. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
partly concur with this view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an equal contribution to the growth of a child as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
course could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
hone soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as observation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and hand-eye coordination. To put an object on a page,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to inspect things in manifold angles
as well
as their hands could not draw without the meticulous observation of eyes.
Secondly
, by studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
courses, children may relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
caused by other dull
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and the pressure of getting high marks.
For instance
, learning dry subjects such as mathematics or physics requires an accuracy, there is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
right answer,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
is disparate. There is not a certain standard in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, children could have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of scope for creativity.

Despite the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
aforementioned, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
subjects should
be made
optional
rather
than compulsory. One problem is that not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
born with a talent of drawing or being passionate for painting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could
be put
under pressure.
Regularly
obtaining poor score in painting would lower their morale in learning.
In addition
to this, they are
also
unmotivated to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lessons as it could be futile for their future career path.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
desire to be an entrepreneur, he would focus on high school
instead
of drawing.

In conclusion
, from my viewpoint,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in children’s developments, nonetheless, it should not
be required
in school.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Art classess, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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