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Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. v. 1
I agree that art related subjects are important for the development of children. However, this does not mean that these courses should be added into the curriculum of high school as compulsory subjects as will now be explained. There is no doubt that art classes make an equal contribution to the growth of a child compared to other subjects. By studying art courses, children may enrich their souls and build up their spiritual life. My younger sister, a twelfth grade student, once told me that drawing classes help her not only improve skills but also perceive life from different angles, which colours her life. In contrast, other subjects such as computer science and economics may lead more directly to a position of employment, but life would be meaningless if people spent all their time working. Despite the above arguments, I believe that art subjects should be made optional rather than compulsory. There are those who are not interested in the arts, and forcing them to study these classes merely results in an unnecessary pressure on learners and a waste of resources that may otherwise be available to teach other subjects. For instance, in an average class of 30, there are statistically at least one or two students who have no talent for painting and fail to produce a nice work of art. This causes their level of stress to rise especially when it comes to a formal exam. In conclusion, I do not believe that high school students should be required to attend art classes although they are as crucial as other core subjects for the development of children.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the development of children.

However
, this does not mean that these courses should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
into the curriculum of high school as compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an equal contribution to the growth of a child compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. By studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
courses, children may enrich their souls and build up their spiritual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. My younger sister, a twelfth grade student, once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that drawing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
perceive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angles, which
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as computer science and economics may lead more
directly
to a position of employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would be meaningless if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent all their time working.

Despite the above arguments, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be made
optional
rather
than compulsory. There are those who are not interested in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, and forcing them to study these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
merely
results in an unnecessary pressure on learners and a waste of resources that may
otherwise
be available to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For instance
, in an average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of 30, there are
statistically
at least one or two students who have no talent for painting and fail to produce a nice work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. This causes their level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to rise
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a formal exam.

In conclusion
, I do not believe that high school students should
be required
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
although they are as crucial as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for the development of children.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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