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Nowadays, many buildings such as offices and schools have open space design instead of separate rooms. Why is it so? What do you think is it a positive or negative effect? v.2

Nowadays, many buildings such as offices and schools have open space design instead of separate rooms. Why is it so? What do you think is it a positive or negative effect? v. 2
In a modern era, the introduction of the separate rooms is more and more building such as offices like banks and classrooms in schools are using open source design. I firmly believe that this is a positive development. To begin with, on the positive side, the majority of institutions are using partition because it makes easy for the people to work or study together at the same place. For example, in the past if citizens needs a help then they had to go in the other room instead of the same room. Nowadays, they are in the same room or class but many institutions created partition. Nevertheless, it saved time for the citizens who want aid. Secondly, in today' s era, the majority of schools institutions has made large big classes instead of separating them into the divisions. To illustrate, in the ancient time, fewer people go to their friend' s class room to meet. So, the government decided to create one huge class for school students. Every garden has weed, so there is also a negative effect of creating one room instead of separate. Firstly, it created disturbance to other people if a person working in the bank and get a phone call and he starts talking in the room then the other co workers and customers working in the same organisation will get distract. By this, it will create the problem for others. So, it can create negative impact. In conclusion, studying or working on a one place has more advantage such as helping others. It has also downside but not more than positive side. So, in my view, open space design will help people in upcoming future.
In a modern era, the introduction of the separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
is more and more building such as offices like banks and classrooms in schools are using open source design. I
firmly
believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, the majority of institutions are using partition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
easy for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work or study together at the same place.
For example
, in the past if citizens needs a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
then they had to go in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
instead
of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. Nowadays, they are in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
institutions created partition.
Nevertheless
, it saved time for the citizens who want aid.

Secondly
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s era, the majority of schools institutions has made large
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
instead
of separating them into the divisions. To illustrate, in the ancient time, fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
decided to create one huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for school students.

Every garden has weed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of creating one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
instead
of separate.
Firstly
, it created disturbance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if a person working in the bank and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a phone
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
call and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
talking in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
co workers
and customers working in the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distract. By this, it will create the problem for others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.

In conclusion
, studying or working on a one place has more advantage such as helping others. It has
also
downside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my view, open space design will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in upcoming future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays, many buildings such as offices and schools have open space design instead of separate rooms. Why is it so? What do you think is it a positive or negative effect? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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