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Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, they should be compulsory in the high school education. v.1

Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, they should be compulsory in the high school education. v. 1
The eating habits of people have changed over recent years. A number of people choose to eat ready-made dishes instead of home cooked meals nowadays. In my opinion, although restaurant dishes help people to save their time effectively, they can cause several diseases. On the one hand, there are a few advantages of eating restaurant food. The greatest benefit of eating out is that it is not a time-consuming activity compared to homemade food; so, people, who prefer to eat ready-made food, save their valuable time to some extent. For example, eating at a restaurant takes 30 minutes or a little more whereas both cooking and eating at home takes 2 hours or more. Moreover, if people prefer to cook at home, they have to wash dirty dishes. In other words, people manage a tight schedule more effectively by eating at a restaurant. Thus, the time-saving features of restaurant food are the main advantage of eating out because it helps people manage their schedule. On the other hand, despite the advantages of eating out, restaurant foods, which is also called fast-food, come with some disadvantages. These foods contain high levels of calorie, fat, and carbohydrate which has a negative impact on health and are unhealthier. As a result of that, people suffer from several diseases such as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, digestive problems. The large majority of Americans, for instance, prefer to have their meals at restaurants and fast-food chain these days, and the number of obese people has remarkably increased over a period of a decade. Therefore, it can go without saying that restaurant food threaten human life because of the disadvantages as to health. In conclusion, eating at the restaurant has become incredibly common. In my opinion, while people benefit from this trend, which is time-saving as an advantage, individuals have some health problems like obesity and heart-related problems, which is the main disadvantage of the new trend.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over recent years. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to eat ready-made dishes
instead
of home cooked meals nowadays. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
dishes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save their time
effectively
, they can cause several diseases.

On the one hand, there are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The greatest benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
out is that it is not a time-consuming activity compared to homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who prefer to eat ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, save their valuable time to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
takes 30 minutes or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more whereas both cooking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
at home takes 2 hours or more.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to cook at home, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wash dirty dishes.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
manage a tight schedule more
effectively
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
.
Thus
, the time-saving features of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
manage their schedule.

On the other hand
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
out,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which is
also
called
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contain high levels of calorie,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, and carbohydrate which has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on health and are unhealthier.
As a result
of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from several diseases such as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, digestive problems. The large majority of Americans,
for instance
, prefer to have their meals at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food chain these days, and the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
remarkably
increased over a period of a decade.
Therefore
, it can go without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
threaten human life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the disadvantages as to health.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
has become
incredibly
common. In my opinion, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
benefit from this trend, which is time-saving as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
, individuals have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems like obesity and heart-related problems, which is the main disadvantage of the new trend.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, they should be compulsory in the high school education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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