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The table and chart below show the time spent at leisure and household activities in Britain Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The table and chart below show the time spent at leisure and household activities in Britain
Over the past few decades, stress related diseases were a prevailing concern in the significant part of the world. A sea change has been witnessed about people health and leisure in the past than now. The following paragraphs would elucidate possible reasons and propose a handful of remedial measure. To commence with the reasons. The first reasons is, life becomes faster than the past. Everybody wants to live a luxurious activity and every time they run for catch money. Therefore, every individual needs to effort longer and harder. For example, nowadays keeping own car become an increasing fashion, so to afford a car people have to work more hours to earn a plethora of money. As a result, people do not have the relaxation time and their health is broken due to lots of weight. In addition, The increasing competition and challenges in every field of life, lack of family and social bonding, increasing expenses, political instability, international tension, environmental pollution, longer working hours, high expectation and dependency on technology everywhere are some of the main reasons the stress related problems are so high these days. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key, So some solution should be implemented. The primary solution is people have to change their thinking. They too live simple heart instead of luxurious activity. They have to try to find out less stressful work and more leisure time. For instance, according to a recent survey shows that people who have more leisure than others are feeling less stressed at workplace and also more productive. Hence, by doing this individually are being more happy and healthy soul. Another solution is the government would introduce health awareness camps to raise awareness to people where older generation shows their young generation how to live stress free and healthy life. In conclusion, we need to understand that a healthy heart more important than living luxurious life. Yet, the government and individuals, both should put their best foot forward together in order to curb the menace.
Over the past few decades,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related diseases were a prevailing concern in the significant part of the world. A sea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been witnessed
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
health and leisure in the past than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. The following paragraphs would elucidate possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and propose a handful of remedial measure.

To commence with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is, life becomes faster than the past. Everybody wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious activity and every time they run for catch money.
Therefore
, every individual needs to effort longer and harder.
For example
, nowadays keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
car become an increasing fashion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to afford a car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work more hours to earn a plethora of money.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the relaxation time and their health
is broken
due to lots of weight.
In addition
, The increasing competition and challenges in every field of life, lack of family and social bonding, increasing expenses, political instability, international tension, environmental pollution, longer working hours, high expectation and dependency on technology everywhere are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related problems are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high these days.

Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution should
be implemented
. The primary solution is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their thinking.
Consider using commas to set off 'too', if you want to emphasize an abrupt change of thought.
They too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
simple heart
instead
of luxurious activity. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try to find out less stressful work and more leisure time.
For instance
, according to a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have more leisure than others are feeling less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
at workplace and
also
more productive.
Hence
, by doing this
individually
are being more happy and healthy soul. Another solution is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would introduce health awareness camps to raise awareness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
where older generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
their young generation how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free and healthy life.

In conclusion
, we need to understand that a healthy heart more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than living luxurious life.
Yet
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals, both should put their best foot forward together in order to curb the menace.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table and chart below show the time spent at leisure and household activities in Britain

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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