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In the past when students did a university degree they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development v.9

In the past when students did a university degree they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development v. 9
More and more students to choose to spend their college life in another country for many reasons. Although, some overseas students may face difficulties. In my opinion, this trend has more benefits than drawbacks. On the other hand, studying in a foreign country has multiple advantages. Most students who choose to study abroad often select the universities which are reputed in terms of infrastructure facility and academic standards as well. These qualities of an institute make the pupils excellence in study and professions. Besides, living far from family create an independent generation. For instance, those who are living alone, they need to adjust to a number of issues without help like paying bills. These independent character help them in their career as well. However, studying in another country can also bring some disadvantages. Some students cannot adapt the environment quickly. Thus they will suffer some mental issues. Moreover, they may feel loneliness hence, establishing friendship is a big deal for them. In addition, they are less amiable. These kind of people may refuse to attend classes and like to sit at home. Only school or college guidance and counselling department can help them out of this. In conclusion, people who study abroad can gain benefits in terms of academic abilities and living skills, while the difficulties can be tackled. In my point of view having more opportunities of studying in a foreign country is a positive trend.
More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose to spend their college life in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may face difficulties. In my opinion, this trend has more benefits than drawbacks.

On the other hand
, studying in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has multiple advantages. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who choose to study abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
select the universities which
are reputed
in terms of infrastructure facility and academic standards
as well
. These qualities of an institute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "pupils'" or "pupil's"?
pupils
excellence in study and professions.
Besides
, living far from family create an independent generation.
For instance
, those who are living alone, they need to adjust to a number of issues without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
like paying bills. These independent character
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their career
as well
.

However
, studying in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
also
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot adapt the environment
quickly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they will suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental issues.
Moreover
, they may feel loneliness
hence
, establishing friendship is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal for them.
In addition
, they are less amiable.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may refuse to attend classes and like to sit at home.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
school or college guidance and counselling department can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them out of this.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who study abroad can gain benefits in terms of academic abilities and living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, while the difficulties can
be tackled
. In my point of view having more opportunities of studying in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay In the past when students did a university degree they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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