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Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. v. 2
In consideration of the fact that the crime rate has been rising at an alarming speed in recent years, the question of whether this phenomenon originates from external factors like poverty or people’s inside nature has been a matter of much attention. Personally, I support the former more than the latter. First of all, poverty is a significant root of crime that compels underprivileged people to perform illegal actions. As a matter of fact, many disadvantaged people suffering from unfavorable living conditions break the law just to achieve a fundamental quality of life. For example, once basic demands such as food or safe refuge cannot be fulfilled due to financial struggles, laws will not have adequate power to deter people from committing crimes to sustain their life. Another significant social problem that may contribute to crime might be inequality among people in terms of civil rights. When citizens cannot experience the same basic rights like access to advanced medical care as their privileged counterparts, their resentment against the unfairness would inevitably be provoked. This might further lead to misconducts such as participating in rebels, which could be an effective approach for those people to relieve their hatred against unjust treatment. However, it has to be admitted that some cases of crime are the result of innate personal characteristics. One negative essence of human beings might be their greediness, and most people are born with the desire for better material conditions. Therefore, some of them may not stand the temptation and thus go astray like taking bribes to satisfy their eagerness for better standard of living. To conclude, although certain crime may result from lawbreakers’ inner qualities, I am still convinced that most crime arises from various social circumstances among which poverty and inequality could be the two basic factors.
In consideration of the fact that the
crime
rate has been rising at an alarming speed in recent years,
the question of whether
this phenomenon originates from external factors like poverty or
people’s
inside nature has been a matter of much attention.
Personally
, I support the former more than the latter.

First of all
, poverty is a significant root of
crime
that compels underprivileged
people
to perform illegal actions. As a matter of fact,
many
disadvantaged
people
suffering from unfavorable living conditions break the law
just
to achieve a fundamental quality of life.
For example
, once basic demands such as food or safe refuge cannot
be fulfilled
due to financial struggles, laws will not have adequate power to deter
people
from committing
crimes
to sustain their life.

Another significant social problem that may contribute to
crime
might be inequality among
people
in terms of civil rights. When citizens cannot experience the same basic rights like access to advanced medical care as their privileged counterparts, their resentment against the unfairness would
inevitably
be provoked
. This might
further
lead to misconducts such as participating in rebels, which could be an effective approach for those
people
to relieve their hatred against unjust treatment.

However
, it
has to
be admitted
that
some
cases of
crime
are the result of innate personal characteristics. One
negative
essence of human beings might be their greediness, and most
people
are born
with the desire for better material conditions.
Therefore
,
some
of them may not stand the temptation and
thus
go astray like taking bribes to satisfy their eagerness for better standard of living.

To conclude
, although certain
crime
may result from lawbreakers’ inner qualities, I am
still
convinced that most
crime
arises from various social circumstances among which poverty and inequality could be the two basic factors.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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