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Agree/Disagree: Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v.2

Agree/Disagree: Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2
The fast-changing world plays an indispensable rule in personal life. However, whether people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past is worth of some debates. In my point view, I disagree with the statement and think that the people nowadays are more enjoyable to their lives. My statement will be substantiated my following paragraphs. First of all, there are much more things for entertainment than there were in the past. People can easily watch thousands types of movie or TV show and go for different kinds of outside activities such as diving, watching car-racing, attending big ceremony etc. In the past day, people had less choice for entertainments, most family went on a picnic on weekend or stayed at home and read some books. It may become boring if they do these same activities on every vocation. In contrast, people today can have much more choice and easily get all the information about activities by internet. Second, the transportation becomes much more advanced and convenient in modern world. The improvement on transportation lets people more easily to travel around the world and saves most of time to do other things they like. For example, In the past days, traveling abroad was so expensive that only wealthy people have that chance to broaden their view of the world. However, it' s affordable for most people today to travel outside their country and learn different culture and history of other countries. Therefore, the advanced of transportation leads people to have a lot of choice for vocation and broaden their vision which makes people enjoy and satisfy for their life. Third, the fast-developing medical technology makes people have less pain in illness and have longer life time. The health condition and life length is better than before. People have more time and power to achieve their dream and can spend more time to get along with their family. Thus a longer and healthier life makes people happier and more satisfied. In conclusion, according to the reasons mentioned above, I am convinced that people are happier than past based of the aspects of the improvement of entertainments, transportation, and medical technology.
The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
plays an indispensable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
in personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
happy or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
satisfied with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is worth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debates. In my point view, I disagree with the statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are more enjoyable to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. My statement will
be substantiated
my following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are much more things for entertainment than there were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
thousands types of movie or TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and go for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of outside activities such as diving, watching car-racing, attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
ceremony etc. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
choice for entertainments, most family went on a picnic on weekend or stayed at home and read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
books. It may become boring if they do these same activities on every vocation.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can have much more choice and
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the information about activities by internet.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
becomes much more advanced and convenient in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The improvement on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
easily
to travel around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and saves most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do other things they like.
For example
, In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
days, traveling abroad was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have that chance to broaden their view of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s affordable for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to travel outside their country and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and history of other countries.
Therefore
,
The phrase 'the advanced of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the advanced of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
choice for vocation and broaden their vision which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy and satisfy for their life.

Third, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-developing medical technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
pain in illness and have longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The health condition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
length is better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and power to achieve their dream and can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with their family.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
a longer and healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happier and more satisfied.

In conclusion
, according to the reasons mentioned above, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
based of the aspects of the improvement of entertainments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, and medical technology.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree/Disagree: Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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