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Agree or disagree? Parents today are more involved in their children's education than parents were in the past. v.2

Agree or disagree? Parents today are more involved in their children's education than parents were in the past. v. 2
Parent plays an indispensable role in children' s education. However, whether or not parents today are more involved in their children' s education than parents in the past is worth of some debates. From my point of view, I disagree with the statement and i believe that parents spend less time in children' s education in modern society. The following paragraphs by containing the main reasons will substantiate my view point. First of all, in today' s competitive economics environment, it' s common that both parents have to work for living which makes them have limited time to involve in children' s education. A lot of people send their children to after school because they have no time to teach or check their children’s homework. In most of time, parents only know their children' s test or homework score and have no idea about any detail of their study condition. On the other hand, parents in past live in a relatively steady economics environment, and only one of them have to work and have more flexible working hours. Children often taught by their dad or mom for homework and tests, it is easy for parents to know the children' s condition in school. In addition, the education policy today changes much more frequently than the past. Parents are totally unfamiliar with the new policy and it becomes so hard for them to help their children in school' s education. For example, the education policy today has a huge difference between the old policy in the past. In the past, taking the standard college enrollment exam is the only way to get into the college. However, according to today' s policy, there are different kinds of ways to apply for a college program and each way has special requirement and details. Most Taiwan' s parents doesn' t understand the policy at all and and cannot help their children by their personal experience. Therefore, even if parents want to get involved into their children' s education, it is still difficult for them because of the education environment. Last but not least, children today are taught to be more independent and encouraged to have their own thought. They don' t like to follow the traditional path or their parent' s steps. Thus, children are more tend make their decision in most thing including their education and not let their parents get involved. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned argument, I convinced that parents are less involved in their children education when comparing today and past because of economics environment, fast-changing education policy, and children' s independence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parent
plays an indispensable role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are more involved in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is worth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debates. From my point of view, I disagree with the statement and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in modern society. The following paragraphs by containing the main reasons will substantiate my view point.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s competitive economics environment,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s common that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for living which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them have limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to involve in
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to after school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to teach or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
homework. In most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
or homework score and have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about any detail of their study condition.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
relatively
steady economics environment, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work and have more flexible working hours.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
taught by their dad or mom for homework and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
, it is easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to know the
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s condition in school.

In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
much more
frequently
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are
totally
unfamiliar with the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
and it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
school&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
has a huge difference between the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, taking the standard college enrollment exam is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the college.
However
, according to
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of ways to
You can apply for a job or welfare, but you apply to a college. Revise: "apply to a college".
apply for a college
program and each way has special requirement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. Most
Possible spelling mistake found.
Taiwan&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
at all
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by their personal experience.
Therefore
, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved into their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it is
still
difficult for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
environment.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are taught
to be more independent and encouraged to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t like to follow the traditional path or their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s steps.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more tend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decision in most thing including their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved.

In conclusion
, based on the aforementioned argument, I convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are less involved in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
when comparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of economics environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s independence.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree? Parents today are more involved in their children's education than parents were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
433 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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