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LGBT community, as some people think their rights must be leagalised, whereas others diasgree, what is your opinion v.1

LGBT community, as some people think their rights must be leagalised, whereas others diasgree, what is your opinion v. 1
Some people think that same sex rights must be legalized. I completely agree with this opinion, as same sex can positive impact a country developing impact, ready for everything for children and country lose their people. Firstly, doping same-sex people can effectively help countries develop their economies. The best reason for making a positive contribution is that same-sex people can benefit not only those who belong to that gender, but the entire society. For example, in America, many same-sex people are studying and work creatively and productively, which benefits both for them and for society. Secondly, same-sex couples are ready to give everything to raise good children. Moreover, they differ from other people in that they spend more money on raising a child than other adoptive parents. For example, now in America, many same-sex couples are ready to accept any child, even with a developmental delay, a disabled person or a difficult teenager. A study over 30 years proves that such education does not affect children in any way, but rather is beneficial. Thirdly, the country may lose its own people. If same-sex marriages are illegal in the country, then same-sex couples will feel as if guilty and in isolation. In many countries where same-sex couples are prohibited, they leave for another country to feel freedom and live peacefully with their partner. All in all, I wholeheartedly agree with opinion that same sex must be legalized and it’ benefits for countries and other people. I hope that once in the whole world there will be no need for the LGBT community, since then we will all live equally in this world without contemplating each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that same sex rights
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be legalized
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, as same sex can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
developing impact, ready for everything for children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, doping same-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
develop their economies. The best reason for making a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution is that same-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can benefit not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those who belong to that gender,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the entire society.
For example
, in America,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
same-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are studying and work
creatively
and
productively
, which benefits both for them and for society.

Secondly
, same-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
are ready to give everything to raise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
children.
Moreover
, they differ from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in that they spend more money on raising a child than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
adoptive parents.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in America,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
same-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
are ready to accept any child, even with a developmental delay, a disabled person or a difficult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
. A study over 30 years proves that such education does not affect children in any way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
is beneficial.

Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may lose its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If same-sex marriages are illegal in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, then same-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
will feel as if guilty and in isolation.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where same-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
are prohibited
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to feel freedom and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
with their partner.

All in all, I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with opinion that same sex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be legalized
and it’ benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I hope that once in the whole world there will be no need for the LGBT community, since then we will all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
equally
in this world without contemplating each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay LGBT community, as some people think their rights must be leagalised, whereas others diasgree, what is your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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