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Some people think lawbreakers should be sent to prisons while others claim they should be made to work in communities. Discuss both and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think lawbreakers should be sent to prisons while others claim they should be made to work in communities. v. 2
Nowadays, crimes has burgeoned to an extent that it is creating a havoc across the globe. While a certain horde of people believes that criminals must be sent to jail, while others are of the notion that the talents in them should be put to work. In some countries, laws relating to crimes are extremely stringent. As a result the criminals are not pardoned. This is done in order to impede any future crimes. The guilty are given harsh punishments that create a nightmare for future lawbreakers. Therefore, the criminals think twice before committing any sort of scandal. To illustrate, in Dubai, any thief or rapist caught red handed by police is either sent to life imprisonment or executed on the same day in public. Nevertheless, certain sections of masses wants the creative lawbreakers such as thieves and looters to be given some work wherein they can showcase their talents. In most cases, the guilty get transformed when he is employed and paid accordingly. For instance, THAR jail in India, segregates the criminals on the basis of their crimes so that they are employed in repairing locks and finding the lost items. According to my perspective, lawbreakers should be handled as per the seriousness of the crime they have done. For example, if a criminal is engaged any murder, he should be hanged or imprisoned for life. Whereas, if he has done a minor crime like a robbery at the bank, he should be employed in a job in which he can fit and earn his living. To conclude, it is imperative to deal with the criminals comprehensively and know the seriousness of the crime he has caused. Accordingly, he or she should be punished as a lesson for present and future lawbreakers. Moreover, if necessary, he should be given some employement where he can shine his talent
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
has burgeoned to an extent that it is creating a havoc across the globe. While a certain horde of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to jail, while others are of the notion that the talents in them should
be put
to work.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, laws relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are
extremely
stringent.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are not pardoned. This
is done
in order to impede any future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. The guilty are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
harsh punishments that create a nightmare for future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lawbreakers
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing any sort of scandal. To illustrate, in Dubai, any thief or rapist caught
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
red handed
by police is either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to life imprisonment or executed on the same day in public.

Nevertheless
, certain sections of masses wants the creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lawbreakers
such as thieves and looters to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work wherein they can showcase their talents.
In most cases
, the guilty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
transformed when he
is employed
and paid
accordingly
.
For instance
, THAR jail in India, segregates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
on the basis of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are employed
in repairing locks and finding the lost items.

According to my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lawbreakers
should
be handled
as per the seriousness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
they have done.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
is engaged
any murder, he should
be hanged
or imprisoned for life. Whereas, if he has done a minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like a robbery at the bank, he should
be employed
in a job in which he can fit and earn his living.

To conclude
, it is imperative to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
comprehensively
and know the seriousness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
he has caused.
Accordingly
, he or she should
be punished
as a lesson for present and future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lawbreakers
.
Moreover
, if necessary, he should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
employement
where he can shine his talent
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think lawbreakers should be sent to prisons while others claim they should be made to work in communities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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