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Some people think lawbreakers should be sent to prisons while others claim they should be made to work in communities. Discuss both and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think lawbreakers should be sent to prisons while others claim they should be made to work in communities. v. 1
To start with, there has been a several discussions about whether lawbreaker should be sent to jail or should be made to work in communities. Because this topic has wide aspects and it has its pros and cons. Although work in the community for lawbreaker looks convincing, the charge of sending them to jail is a better option. How is it ok to forgive the culprit? Therefore, Let's discuss both of the views and give the most appropriate solution. First of all, the offender is someone who had done something wrong to the society. If they were ok with society's rules and regulations they would not have done damage to the public in the first place. As a neutral system, it is a duty of the government to maintain the balance in the community. And to do that, these people should be removed from communities so that, people who follow the laws sincerely, can live with trust in each other and live in peace. Since, Isolating criminal from the civilization has been the only option which can lead the nation on the path of progress and development it is needless to be done. In contrast, the culprit who has broken the law can do work in communities as a reimbursement. Whereas the sentence in prison for a considerable amount of time is basically a waste of time low breaker can spend this time doing social service in communities for the betterment of both society and the Nation and also for themselves. If they will be charged with prison time, the government will also have to spend money on their basic amenities, which is the money of the normal citizen in terms of tax. Which again is damaging to the culture. Finally, in conclusion, both the aspects have their advantages as well as disadvantages. But, to get the optimum solution for this problem, without breaking any civil rights I think it is better to let criminal spend their time in jail as the punishment, to maintain peace and balance in community.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there has been a several
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "discussion"?
discussions
about whether lawbreaker should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to jail or should
be made
to work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this topic has wide aspects and it has its pros and cons. Although work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
for lawbreaker looks convincing, the charge of sending them to jail is a better option. How is it ok to forgive the culprit?
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss both of the views and give the most appropriate solution.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the offender is someone who had done something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to the society. If they were ok with society's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations they would not have done damage to the public in the
first
place. As a neutral system, it is a duty of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to maintain the balance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. And to do that, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be removed
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who follow the laws
sincerely
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with trust in each other and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace. Since, Isolating criminal from the civilization has been the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option which can lead the nation on the path of progress and development it is needless to
be done
.

In contrast
, the culprit who has broken the law can do work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
as a reimbursement. Whereas the sentence in prison for a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
basically
a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
low breaker can spend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing social service in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
for the betterment of both society and the Nation and
also
for themselves. If they will
be charged
with prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend money on their basic amenities, which is the money of the normal citizen in terms of tax.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
again is damaging to the culture.

Finally
,
in conclusion
, both the aspects have their advantages
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the optimum solution for this problem, without breaking any civil rights I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
criminal spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in jail as the punishment, to maintain peace and balance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think lawbreakers should be sent to prisons while others claim they should be made to work in communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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