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With the increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problems does this have on environment? What can be done to solve the problem? v.1

With the increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problems does this have on environment? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 1
It has become easier than ever to travel to various countries because of the wide availability of flights. An increasing number of people travel by air these days, causing a significant influx of new airway companies, which in turn led to an increase in the number of flights. This scenario has a whole lot of effects on our environment such as air pollution and disturbance to birds which fly at high altitudes. To begin with, the carbon and chemical exhaust from the planes contaminates the surroundings. This contamination is very huge when we consider the dramatic rise in the number of planes in the past decade. In turn, these emissions are responsible for the rise of the temperatures of the earth and are a main cause of global warming. In other words, this is not only affecting the environment, but also everyone in it. Secondly, the migratory birds and eagles which fly in the sky are at high risk because of the increase in air traffic. These birds often get killed, especially during certain periods of the year. Also, the radio signals from the plane disrupt their communication. The sharp decline in the population of these birds is definitely related to the rise in flights. A recent survey by The Michigan Science University found out that the disturbances caused by planes to these birds are at a rise in the past two years. Strict measures need to be taken to curb these effects because of which the whole ecological balance is at risk. Firstly, all airlines should look at the parameters such as the occupancy of the flight and reduce the number of flights. Also, it is their responsibility to try to reduce the related exhausts by servicing the engines frequently. In addition, there should be measures in place to control the air traffic at least during the migratory phase of the birds. There should be a considerable effort towards developing new technology to tackle these problems efficiently, and to restore the balance to the ecosystem. In conclusion, although the after effects of increased planes cannot be fully compensated, they need our immediate attention to avoid further worsening. Hence, the solutions suggested above should be implemented to avoid the ecological imbalance and air pollution.
It has become easier than ever to travel to various countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wide availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
. An increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
these days, causing a significant influx of new airway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which in turn led to an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
. This scenario has a
Consider using "lot".
whole lot
of effects on our environment such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution and disturbance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
which
fly
at high altitudes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the carbon and chemical exhaust from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
contaminates the surroundings. This contamination is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
huge when we consider the dramatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
in the past decade. In turn, these emissions are responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
of the temperatures of the earth and are a main cause of global warming.
In other words
, this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affecting the environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
everyone in it.

Secondly
, the migratory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
and eagles which
fly
in the sky are at high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
traffic. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
killed,
especially
during certain periods of the year.
Also
, the radio signals from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
disrupt their communication. The sharp decline in the population of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
is definitely related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
. A recent survey by The Michigan Science University found out that the disturbances caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
are at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
in the past two years.

Strict measures need to
be taken
to curb these effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which the whole ecological balance is at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
Firstly
, all airlines should look at the parameters such as the occupancy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flight
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
.
Also
, it is their responsibility to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the related exhausts by servicing the engines
frequently
.
In addition
, there should be measures in place to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
traffic at least during the migratory phase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
. There should be a considerable effort towards developing new technology to tackle these problems
efficiently
, and to restore the balance to the ecosystem.

In conclusion
, although the after effects of increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
cannot be
fully
compensated, they need our immediate attention to avoid
further
worsening.
Hence
, the solutions suggested above should
be implemented
to avoid the ecological imbalance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay With the increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problems does this have on environment? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
374 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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