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Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion? v.2

Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion? v. 2
Child upbringing has a significant role for parents, but it would be more prominent to raise a child with a family. Many think that bringing up a child is an only parental responsibility. Thus, I will make points in further paragraphs to form an opinion. On one hand, raising children with the aid of family, it’s effective lieu than takes care only by parents. Uncles, aunts, and household members have the expertise to tackle the situation created by a child. In addition, they have past experience and different practical observations on child movements. They know the approach of a child’s body indication. For instance, if the baby is not sleeping, their aunt stories and lullaby helps them to bring sleep. Most of the infants are affectionate of grandparents because grandparents know how to take care of a baby & how to make them gleeful. Also, these situations are even more remunerative for parents because they want time to bring back into their past days and make a relationship stronger than earlier. Raising them is not an easy job and take the decision is even more arduous to do. Certainly, family member opinions are helpful to smooth the conditions. On the other hand, more perspectives make the situation difficult. Some parents believe that parenting should be done by them because they do not want inessential views to raise an infant. Nowadays, parents feel insecure to give a baby to anyone because child trafficking cases are increasing gradually. They consult a paediatrician for a decision they have to take to raise a baby. To summarize, in this hectic world, sometimes parents are tired because of the children. In that situation, they feel that family members are equally important. Continuously care for them can create a disrelish approach towards them. Household members have warmth. Hence, Family is beneficial and adequate for them, it's adding happiness to an infant as well as for them and this will form a joyful environment for a child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
upbringing has a significant role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be more prominent to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that bringing up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
parental responsibility.
Thus
, I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
points in
further
paragraphs to form an opinion.

On one hand, raising children with the aid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
Did you mean "its effective lieu"?
it’s effective lieu
than takes care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Uncles, aunts, and household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
have the expertise to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
created by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
In addition
, they have
Consider using "experience".
past experience
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
practical observations on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
movements. They know the approach of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
body indication.
For instance
, if the baby is not sleeping, their aunt stories and lullaby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to bring sleep. Most of the infants are affectionate of grandparents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
grandparents know how to take care of a baby & how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them gleeful.
Also
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
are even more remunerative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want time to bring back into their past days and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a relationship stronger than earlier. Raising them is not an easy job and take the decision is even more arduous to do.
Certainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
opinions are helpful to smooth the conditions.

On the other hand
, more perspectives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
difficult.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that parenting should
be done
by them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want inessential views to raise an infant. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel insecure to give a baby to anyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
trafficking cases are increasing
gradually
. They consult a
Possible spelling mistake found.
paediatrician
for a decision they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take to raise a baby.

To summarize
, in this hectic world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are tired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the children. In that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, they feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Continuously
care for them can create a
Possible spelling mistake found.
disrelish
approach towards them. Household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
have warmth.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
is beneficial and adequate for them, it's adding happiness to an infant
as well
as for them and this will form a joyful environment for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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