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Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion? v. 1
Firstly, Children's upbringing plays a major role in child psychology, their physical and mental growth and behaviour. Actually, The children grown in a joint family will have a broad thinking and social mingling habits. Because of, Man is a social animal it is always good for children to be in a joint family. When they are grown with uncles, aunts and grandparents, different people will teach them different good things. Thus, children will learn lots of good things from different people and will get lots of love from many rather than only from mother and father. Also, social gathering nature will be developed in them and also children will get lots of knowledge from lots of family members. Having said that, joint family, children will have a family bonding and love towards all the above said family members. Having said that, good citizen and obviously good society. Grand parents, Uncle and aunt when they are grown old will get lots of love from lots of children whom they have nourished and taken care of. No one on this earth will be knowing everything. For instance, choosing carrier, in the joint family lots of advices children will get from that it will become easy for them to choose the best. For example, in my case, since in olden days there has been no internet. I completely had to base on my parents only as I am from a nuclear family, to choose my carrier. It is seen that joint and big family, children are more successful in their life compared to nuclear family children. Especially, now in these days, since both the parents are working, in these kind of situations rather than leaving the children to a babysitter, we can leave them at home only with our own relatives to the children. Thus, more safe and secure and will be brought up with true love, where as there is no guarantee of love and safety with paid servants and baby sitters. Generally, nuclear family, children will have stubborn nature. They will not share things with others. Social mingling will be less in them. They tend to be less friendly. More selfish in nature. These nature is not good for the better society.
Firstly
, Children's upbringing plays a major role in child psychology, their physical and mental growth and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Actually, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grown in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will have a broad thinking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
mingling habits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
animal it is always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. When they
are grown
with uncles, aunts and grandparents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from mother and father.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
will
be developed
in them and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Having said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
towards all the above said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Having said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizen and
obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
society. Grand parents, Uncle and aunt when they
are grown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
whom they have nourished and taken care of. No one on this earth will
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be knowing
everything.
For instance
, choosing carrier, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of advices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from that it will become easy for them to choose the best.
For example
, in my case, since in olden days there has been no internet. I completely had to base on my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as I am from a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, to choose my carrier. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more successful in their life compared to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Especially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in these days, since both the parents are working, in
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of situations
rather
than leaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a babysitter, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
relatives to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, more safe and secure and will
be brought
up with true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
there is no guarantee of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and safety with paid servants and baby sitters.

Generally
, nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have stubborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. They will not share things with others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
mingling will be less in them. They tend to be less friendly. More selfish in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for the better society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
371 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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