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People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 5
Nowadays, it is manifest that advertisements are dominating daily life. Advertisements can be seen everywhere under very specific formats, for example, display advertisements, social media advertisements, direct mails and personal sales, product placement, or event marketing. Coming along with the rise of advertisements is a debate amongst people over the opinion that advertisements influence people in a negative way, since these advertisements manipulate the perceptions of people on what is truly important in life. I strongly agree with that opinion and the purpose of this writing is to discuss different reasons to support my notion. Firstly, in contemplation of comprehending why advertisements have a negative impact on people, it is crucial to understand the fundamental methods that most advertisements nowadays have been adopting. The ultimate purpose of advertisements is to sell products, and in order to do that, they emphasize on several specific values, for instance, appearance, function or the value of the products themselves, which sounds very meta. Therefore, these values are being promoted regularly to people, and this may lead to distinctive unhealthy associations. Some advertisements wrongly equated success, status or happiness with the state of being wealthy, as well as labelling their products as the accomplishment of people’s pursuit of happiness, resulting in people trying their best just to purchase these products. This in the long run has a relatively high possibility to lead to excessive shopping, since people’s beliefs have been maneuvered by advertisements. Excessive shopping would eventually lead to the state of bankruptcy if it’s totally out of control. Materialism resulting from excessive shopping could be another outcome when people value material possessions higher than spiritual values, hence neglecting all meaningful relationships. Ultimately, people will suffer in loneliness and this could possibly cause depression as well. Secondly, advertisements can, without prevarication, manipulate people’s perceptions about beauty, especially for women. There is a popular generalization in not just Asian countries but also the world as a whole, that a woman’s beauty will be determined by the condition of the skin. The whiter, the smoother, the better. This is precisely what advertisements have been tackled - the women’s view of themselves, society’s judgment on women and the self-esteem of women. This could cause a mental discomfort in the mind of women and as a result lowering their self-esteem. Not to mention, bleaching and whitening products have been advertised to create a better skin, yet as a matter of fact, toxic substances these products contain can lead to several skin diseases as well. In conclusion, although it is indisputable that advertisements on the other hand are beneficial in daily life, I still agree that advertisements conduct more harm than good.
Nowadays, it is manifest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are dominating daily life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
everywhere under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
specific formats,
for example
, display
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, direct mails and personal sales,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
placement, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
marketing. Coming along with the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is a debate amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way, since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
manipulate the perceptions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on what is
truly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in life. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that opinion and the purpose of this writing is to discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons to support my notion.

Firstly
, in contemplation of comprehending why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is crucial to understand the fundamental methods that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
nowadays have been adopting. The ultimate purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and in order to do that, they emphasize on several specific values,
for instance
, appearance, function or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
themselves, which sounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
meta.
Therefore
, these values are
being promoted
regularly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and this may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to distinctive unhealthy associations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
wrongly
equated success, status or happiness with the state of being wealthy,
as well
as labelling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as the accomplishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
pursuit of happiness, resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trying their best
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This in the long run has a
relatively
high possibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to excessive shopping, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
beliefs have
been maneuvered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. Excessive shopping would
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to the state of bankruptcy if it’s
totally
out of control. Materialism resulting from excessive shopping could be another outcome when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
material possessions higher than spiritual values,
hence
neglecting all meaningful relationships.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will suffer in loneliness and this could
possibly
cause depression
as well
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can, without prevarication, manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perceptions about beauty,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. There is a popular generalization in not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Asian countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the world as a whole, that a woman’s beauty will
be determined
by the condition of the skin. The whiter, the smoother, the better. This is
precisely
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
been tackled
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
view of themselves, society’s judgment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and the self-esteem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. This could cause a mental discomfort in the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
as a result
lowering their self-esteem. Not to mention, bleaching and whitening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have
been advertised
to create a better skin,
yet
as a matter of fact, toxic substances these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
contain can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to several skin diseases
as well
.

In conclusion
, although it is indisputable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on the other hand
are beneficial in daily life, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
conduct more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
442 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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