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Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles aunts and grandparents is better rather than only by parents Do you agree or disagree with this statement Give your opinion and examples v.3

Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles aunts and grandparents is better rather than only by parents Give your opinion and examples v. 3
In today’s modern world, the importance of children’s fostering by no means negligible. However, some assert that nurturing children in extended family is more favorable than parents choosing to raise them on their own. Personally, I completely agree with this idea because of two significant reasons which will be elaborated in this essay To begin with, the most rational justification is that growing up under the supervision of larger families reinforce the children’s social communication. Nowadays, most parents devote virtually their whole time to working which leaves them with little time to pay attention their children’s upbringing. This in turn could cause irreparable damage to their social skills. Therefore, by being kept in touch with other members of family such as grandparents, uncles and aunts, children find it easy to acquire the knowledge about society and broaden their horizons. From a social standpoint the children who live in extended family are more easy access to information which are required for them compared with their peers. Yet another compelling argument in favor of this idea is that, raising in bigger families helps children to develop a sense of self-esteem. To put it differently, children obtain more attention and care once they bring up in extended family through involving in group activities that are provided in family. This in turn, can help strengthen a sense of belonging and togetherness in the family, which is also beneficial for children’s self-esteem. To sum up, considering the points discussed above, the most rational conclusion to be drawn is that children’s nurturing by the whole family could be helpful for them. Not only do children boost their social communication, but also this can to develop children’s self-esteem.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
fostering by no means negligible.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assert that nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is more favorable than parents choosing to raise them on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two significant reasons which will
be elaborated
in this essay

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most rational justification is that growing up under the supervision of larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
reinforce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
communication. Nowadays, most parents devote
virtually
their whole time to working which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to pay attention their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
upbringing. This in turn could cause irreparable damage to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, by being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in touch with other members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
such as grandparents, uncles and aunts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find it easy to acquire the knowledge about society and broaden their horizons. From a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
standpoint the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are more easy access to information which
are required
for them compared with their peers.

Yet
another compelling argument in favor of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that, raising in bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop a sense of self-esteem. To put it
differently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obtain more attention and care once they bring up in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
through involving in group activities that
are provided
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This in turn, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
strengthen a sense of belonging and togetherness in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which is
also
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
self-esteem.

To sum up, considering the points discussed above, the most rational conclusion to
be drawn
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
nurturing by the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
could be helpful for them. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
boost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
this can to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
self-esteem.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles aunts and grandparents is better rather than only by parents Give your opinion and examples v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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