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Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give your opinion and examples. v.1

Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. Give your opinion and examples. v. 1
Raising children in extended families are favoured by some people, however some may disagree including me as well. This essay will discuss the reasons why children should be brought up just by their parents. Firstly, there should be an agreement between parents about the conditions and the standard of discipline they are providing to raise their children properly. Each family has their own rules and standards which are different from one family to another. Therefore, children could be confused about what is right or wrong based on what they learn from their parents and things they are taught by their. This kind of confusion could act as bad behaviour patterns for adolescents. For example, imagine there is a child whose parents teach her not to lie, however; when she sees her uncle lying about smoking to his parents, she could easily lose the perspective whether she may lie or not in the future. Secondly, if parents have the chance to raise their children on their own, in my honest opinion, the whole procedure will be more programmable, focused and efficient as well. Children will benefit from the quietness of their home instead of being in a crowded environment with so many activities that do not suit them. They would have more time for reading books, exercising and so many extra activities. For instance, there are many children who are nursed by their grandparents and they are just taking care of their essential needs like food and changing their diapers and not practicing any creative plays or reading books and so on.
Raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in extended families are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may disagree including me
as well
. This essay will discuss the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be brought
up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by their parents.

Firstly
, there should be an agreement between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about the conditions and the standard of discipline they are providing to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
properly
. Each family has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and standards which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from one family to another.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
be confused
about what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
based on what they learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and things they
are taught
by their. This kind of confusion could act as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
patterns for adolescents.
For example
, imagine there is a child whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach her not to lie,
however
; when she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
her uncle lying about smoking to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, she could
easily
lose the perspective whether she may lie or not in the future.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the chance to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, in my honest opinion, the whole procedure will be more programmable, focused and efficient
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will benefit from the quietness of their home
instead
of being in a crowded environment with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities that do not suit them. They would have more time for reading books, exercising and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
extra activities.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are nursed
by their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grandparents and
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
taking care of their essential needs like food and changing their diapers and not practicing any creative plays or reading books and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. Give your opinion and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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