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Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples. v.2

Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. Give your opinion and examples. v. 2
As people have different opinions about raising their children, some parents have a viewpoint that it is better if they should be taken care of by close family members such as aunts, siblings and grandparents, instead of looking after them by themselves. This essay completely agrees with the statement because responsibility taken by close family members to bring up the little ones could make the life easier for parents by saving time and reducing their mental stress. The children's upbringing becomes effortless if there are other family members to take care of them. Mostly the parents these days, for example, are working professionals and their hectic work schedule does not allow them to take care of their children. Presence of close family members in the house to supervise children saves their time and provide them comfort and ease to accomplish work commitments. Also, if more family members are involved to look after, children could enjoy their leisure time by doing wider ranges of healthier activities, from playing outside with their cousin to listening to their grandparent's stories which provides relaxation to parents that their offsprings are in good hands. Undoubtedly, parents having the support of other relatives for upbringing children usually feels relieved both mentally and physically. For instance, many people complain that having a child brings an immense amount of responsibilities and being incapable to bear them may lead to some marital problems. However, by having reliable people to take responsibility of their children, reduces that extra pressure and parents could enjoy adulthood activities without any damaging effects of family issues on their children. Moreover, they can easily pursue for more advanced career opportunities, which at the end could be advantageous for the whole family, as the income generated from their jobs will be used for all the necessities of the family. In conclusion, it is my strong opinion that having some mature people in the family for the supervision of children have a severe benefits for parents as well children. Without any burden of bringing up children, parents can freely involve themselves in the activities required for their career growth and children on the other hand can also learn good life lessons and raised properly in the presence of their experienced elders. In this manner, all households around the world should opt for this way of raising kids.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a viewpoint that it is better if they should
be taken
care of by close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
such as aunts, siblings and grandparents,
instead
of looking after them by themselves. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
responsibility taken by close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to bring up the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the life easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by saving time and reducing their mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

The children's upbringing becomes effortless if there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to take care of them.
Mostly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
these days,
for example
, are working professionals and their hectic work schedule does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Presence of close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to supervise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
saves their time and provide them comfort and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
to accomplish work commitments.
Also
, if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are involved
to look after,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could enjoy their leisure time by doing wider ranges of healthier activities, from playing outside with their cousin to listening to their grandparent's stories which provides relaxation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hands.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the support of other relatives for upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
feels relieved both mentally and
physically
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a child brings an immense amount of responsibilities and being incapable to bear them may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
marital problems.
However
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
that extra pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could enjoy adulthood activities without any damaging effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
issues on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, they can
easily
pursue for more advanced career opportunities, which at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
could be advantageous for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, as the income generated from their jobs will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for all the necessities of the family.

In conclusion
, it is my strong opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for the supervision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a severe
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "benefit"?
benefits
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Without any burden of bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
freely
involve themselves in the activities required for their career growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on the other hand
can
also
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life lessons and raised
properly
in the presence of their experienced elders. In this manner, all households around the world should opt for this way of raising kids.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. Give your opinion and examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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