Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a country’s success, while others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country’s success. What are these factors? And among them, which one is more important than others? v.2

Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a country’s success, while others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country’s success. What are these factors? And among them, which one is more important than others? v. 2
It is considered that economic advance is the main criterion to evaluate the prosperity of a rustic. However, there are at least two factors by which a agrarian's achievement can be measured, and I describe them in this essay. One the one hand, economic progress is a valuable factor that can illustrate the progress of a rustic in terms of money, however, it shows the state of a bucolic just in the one criteria and does not correlate with other factors. Furthermore, some factors reflect the agrarian's achievement dipper than economic rise. First of all, technology breakthrough which influences different areas of life and allows to enhance such areas as medicine, education, social life and without doubt might be considered as a significant indicator of the provincial's achievement. Examples can be seen in such technology-focused countries as Germany or Japan, in which a huge part of people's work is accomplished by robots and machines. Hence these two countries have the developed economy and the happiest society in the world, which might be assumed as a gain. Another point is social evolution by which means the freedom of expression and human rights. For instance, in countries where people are under pressure due to their preferences and possessions, society performs the pure of happiest and it reflects the unsuccess of a rustic. By contrast, in countries in which there are no restriction of self-fulfilment nation flourishes and this cause of an agrarian prosperity. Admittedly, economic improvement illustrates the financial situation in a bucolic which also affects people's attitudes and reflect on which state population is developed. For example, it is proved that countries with a high GDP, population feel more confident and happier. Overall, economic strife is a beneficial circumstance to reflect the benefit of a county in the financial term but not accurate. Simultaneously with this factor, there are at least the other two which also might define a bucolic's advance.
It
is considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
advance is the main criterion to evaluate the prosperity of a rustic.
However
, there are at least two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
by which
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
agrarian's achievement can
be measured
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
them in this essay.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress is a valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that can illustrate the progress of a rustic in terms of money,
however
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the state of a bucolic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in the
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one criterion", "a criterion", or simply "criteria"?
one criteria
and does not correlate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reflect
the agrarian's achievement dipper than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
rise.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, technology breakthrough which influences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to enhance such areas as medicine, education, social life and without doubt might
be considered
as a significant indicator of the provincial's achievement. Examples can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in such technology-focused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as Germany or Japan, in which a huge part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's work
is accomplished
by robots and machines.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have the developed economy and the happiest society in the world, which might
be assumed
as a gain.

Another point is social evolution by which means the freedom of expression and human rights.
For instance
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are under pressure due to their preferences and possessions, society performs
The phrase 'the pure of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the pure of
happiest and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reflects
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsuccess
of a rustic. By contrast, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in which there are no restriction of
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-fulfilment
nation flourishes and this cause of an agrarian prosperity.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
improvement illustrates the financial situation in a bucolic which
also
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitudes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reflect
on which state population
is developed
.
For example
, it
is proved
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a high GDP, population feel more confident and happier.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
strife is a beneficial circumstance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reflect
the benefit of a county in the financial term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not accurate.
Simultaneously
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
, there are at least the other two which
also
might define a bucolic's advance.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a country’s success, while others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country’s success. What are these factors? And among them, which one is more important than others? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts