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Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. v.17

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. v. 17
Some individuals believe that to be a good parent, adolescent must be taught about parenting in school. However, whether or not this parenting class in school is effective, it is still debatable. Nonetheless, personally, I agree that every teenager must learn how to be a good parent in school based on the importance of parenting class to present skills needed by teenagers. To begin with, parenting class is considered as rudimentary need before entering family life and therefore, it should be given to students in their school. Several preliminary studies found that good parents can affect children’s attitude and behaviour later. By attending parenting classes, young people will be supplied abundant skills needed of how to educate and grow children well. As the result, young children can be more ready and understand how to care children, can be more aware of some menaces may be found during family life and can bring up children appropriately thus they can have good attitude and morale. By attending these classes they can also learn the importance of having a family and sacrifices their parents made for them. Furthermore, several skills must be adopted by adolescent before being parents. For instances, how to care baby bruise, how to be a good new mum, how to pick proper supplementation for children, etc. new mother had to encounter some conditions of the baby bruise, and this condition requires prompt treatment despite offspring and maternal safety. Starting breastfeeding to infant also needs skills in order to keep the breastfeeding healthy for baby as well as to select complementary food for children to support growth. These skills can be developed through parenting class in school. All in all, school is a place to educate pupils in every part of life including parenting class for students to help them more understand their duties of how to be a good mother/father as being a good parent needs various parental skills.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, adolescent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is effective, it is
still
debatable. Nonetheless,
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn how to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
based on the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
needed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is considered
as rudimentary need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering family life and
therefore
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to students in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Several preliminary studies found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attitude and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
later. By attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be supplied
abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
needed of how to educate and grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
well. As the result, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be more ready and understand how to care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, can be more aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
menaces may
be found
during family life and can bring up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
appropriately
thus
they can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
attitude and morale. By attending these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
they can
also
learn the importance of having a family and sacrifices their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
made for them.

Furthermore
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be adopted
by adolescent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. For instances, how to care baby bruise, how to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
new mum, how to pick proper supplementation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, etc. new mother had to encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conditions of the baby bruise, and this condition requires prompt treatment despite offspring and maternal safety. Starting breastfeeding to infant
also
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the breastfeeding healthy for baby
as well
as to select complementary food for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to support growth. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
be developed
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in school.

All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a place to educate pupils in every part of life including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them more understand their duties of how to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
mother/father as being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
needs various parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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