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In many countries these days, the number of people continuing their education after school has increased, and the range of courses available at universities and colleges has also increased. v.1

In many countries these days, the number of people continuing their education after school has increased, and the range of courses available at universities and colleges has also increased. v. 1
Throughout the 21st century, a lot of universities have been built across the globe. It has become extremely easy for the students to get admission in universities to pursue higher studies in the area of their interest. I agree that when more students attain degree means that it will bring a positive impact on the society. Firstly, students have the flexibility to choose a course when universities provide multiple courses, especially new ones, based on the course subject, fees or duration. For example, a financially backwards person can opt for a low budget course and still become a graduate. Thus, universities can empower the society. Secondly, finding a breakthrough in a career is easy when a person has some specialised skills. Moreover, there are many industries facing resource shortage. For instance, as per the report published by the Week magazine dated 2th September 215, illustrates that hundred percent of the students in the hotel management course are being a job offer in their final year, by the industries requiring them. Therefore, the special skills universities benefit both students and industries. Finally, a sense of public awareness is created among the citizens, which results in the decrease of crime rate as well as improvement in the behaviour of the people, due to the knowledge gained in their courses. For example, this decade crime rate has drastically reduced by 10 percent compared to the previous one. Therefore, by having more education, the earth can become a better and safe place to live. In conclusion, education can bring in a myriad of benefits to the society. It is the duty of the respective governments to ensure that their citizens are well educated and support the needy. The more choices on universities and area of studies in those universities undoubtedly have many positive impacts.
Throughout the 21st century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have
been built
across the globe. It has become
extremely
easy for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to pursue higher studies in the area of their interest. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that when more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attain degree means that it will bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the society.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the flexibility to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
provide multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
especially
new ones, based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
subject, fees or duration.
For example
, a
financially
backwards person can opt for a low budget
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
and
still
become a graduate.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
can empower the society.

Secondly
, finding a breakthrough in a career is easy when a person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries facing resource shortage.
For instance
, as per the report published by the Week magazine dated
Please check the suffix, if this is an ordinal number.
2th
September 215, illustrates that hundred percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the hotel management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
are being a job offer in their final year, by the industries requiring them.
Therefore
, the special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
benefit both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and industries.

Finally
, a sense of public awareness
is created
among the citizens, which results in the decrease of crime rate
as well
as improvement in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, due to the knowledge gained in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
For example
, this decade crime rate has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 10 percent compared to the previous one.
Therefore
, by having more education, the earth can become a better and safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, education can bring in a myriad of benefits to the society. It is the duty of the respective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to ensure that their citizens are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and support the needy. The more choices on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and area of studies in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
undoubtedly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries these days, the number of people continuing their education after school has increased, and the range of courses available at universities and colleges has also increased. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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