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Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. v.4

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. v. 4
There is an opinion that every young person should be taught to be good parents in schools. Personally, I disagree with this view because of some certain reasons. To begin with, the primary purpose of school is to educate people to become decent civilians with knowledge and skills to carry a job. The main subjects in school, for example, math, literary, physical, foreign language and life skills which takes children most time of their day. There is very little time for extracurricular activities. Furthermore, the most students of school are adolescences who are not mature enough to be parenting. They should be taught about the gender difference and sexual security to avoid having a baby at this age. On the other hand, it is said that parents are the models of their offspring. That means children will watch and imitate their parents' daily behaviors and activities. There is a high possibility that children will become exactly the person like their parents are. For example, a child grows up in a family with an alcoholic father who usually beats his wife and kids, tends to become a violent person. Therefore, it is necessary to guide adults to become good parent instead of teaching for young person. In order to become good parents, there are several things need to be considered. The first and the most important thing is the love for baby. Secondly, it is the knowledge to care babies such as how to choose the nutrition food, how to cook the meal, how to take care a child when he gets sick. Additionally, parents should need to communicate with their children and be able to educate them. In conclusion, for the reason I have mentioned above, I believe that teaching young person to be parent is not a good idea in schools.
There is an opinion that every young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should
be taught
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Personally
, I disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
decent civilians with knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to carry a job. The main subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
for example
, math, literary, physical, foreign language and life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
most time of their day. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for extracurricular activities.
Furthermore
, the most students of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are adolescences who are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be parenting. They should
be taught
about the gender difference and sexual security to avoid having a baby at this age.

On the other hand
, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the models of their offspring. That means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and imitate their parents' daily behaviors and activities. There is a high possibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
exactly the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are.
For example
, a child grows up in a family with an alcoholic father who
usually
beats his wife and kids, tends to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Therefore
, it is necessary to guide adults to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
instead
of teaching for young person.

In order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, there are several things need to
be considered
. The
first
and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for baby.
Secondly
, it is the knowledge to care babies such as how to choose the nutrition food, how to cook the meal, how to take care a child when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
sick.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should need to communicate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and be able to educate them.

In conclusion
, for the reason I have mentioned above, I believe that teaching young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "parented".
parent
is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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