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In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v.3

In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v. 3
Respect shown to senior citizens is often considered by many as an important indicator of a civilised society and yet this is on the decline in many countries. In my opinion, lack of proper teaching at home and a paradigm shift towards a materialistic life are the reason for this trend. This trend can bring some negative consequences in our society which would be outlined in this essay. In regard to the declining respects for elderly people, the family bonding and parents teaching methods at home are to be blamed. The family value and bond are no longer important to the young generation these days. They are not entirely responsible for this social debasement as parents nowadays are too busy to teach their children morality. On top of that, young generation in this era is more occupied with materialistic possessions than reading history and learning about their traditions and cultures. As a result, they fail to understand how important it is to show respect to other members of the society, especially senior citizens. To illustrate an example, one of my classmates, Tony, was raised in a nuclear family and without his father. When he visited our house, he had no idea that my grandparents could live in our family. Certainly, he would not know how to spend time with people over 60 years old! Among the negative consequences of this trend, the most severe one is the moral degradation of youth. Since they find it unnecessary to show proper respect to elder people, they will soon forget to respect other human beings. Moreover, they will fail to teach their next generation anything about mutual respect and family value, they will suffer even more when they become old. Finally, as a whole, the society would have selfish members who would not be able to maintain a social harmony. To conclude, the society we live in is the contribution os the senior citizens and that is why the young generation should show their respect and gratitude to them. The lack of respect towards the elderly is a great concern and to mitigate this problem, parents should teach their children morality and importance or family bonds.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Respect
shown to senior citizens is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
indicator of a
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilised' is British English.
civilised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
yet
this is on the decline in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. In my opinion, lack of proper teaching at home and a paradigm shift towards a materialistic life are the reason for this trend. This trend can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which would
be outlined
in this essay.

In regard to the declining respects for elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding and parents teaching methods at home are to
be blamed
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
value and bond are no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the young generation these days. They are not
entirely
responsible for this social debasement as parents nowadays are too busy to teach their children morality.
On top of that
, young generation in this era is more occupied with materialistic possessions than reading history and learning about their traditions and cultures.
As a result
, they fail to understand how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
to other members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
especially
senior citizens. To illustrate an example, one of my classmates, Tony,
was raised
in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and without his father. When he visited our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, he had no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that my grandparents could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Certainly
, he would not know how to spend time with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
!

Among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this trend, the most severe one is the moral degradation of youth. Since they find it unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
to elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
forget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
other human beings.
Moreover
, they will fail to teach their
next
generation anything about mutual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
value, they will suffer even more when they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Finally
, as a whole, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would have selfish members who would not be able to maintain a social harmony.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in is the contribution
Possible spelling mistake found.
os
the senior citizens and
that is
why the young generation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
and gratitude to them. The lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
towards the elderly is a great concern and to mitigate this problem, parents should teach their children morality and importance or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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