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Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. v. 3
Attending a formal education plays an indispensable role among students. While some have strong view toward this opinion, others oppose that they should learn hard without the help of a teacher. Personally, the best answer for this question is the combination of tutoring at school and studying at home due to the following points. On the one hand, self-study js an important factor helping students gain more knowledge. First and foremost, it is a great convenience than others as they can learn at anytime and anywhere through the Internet, especially, this studying method possibly limits the difficulties of far distance. Secondly, studying on the Internet alone gives them a large amount of information sources. Undoubtedly, the Internet is greater improvement than traditional library because you can find out a variety of available materials in any fields immediately. Students can even get updated knowledge from Internet, therefore, students are capable of getting many benefits from self-study. On the other hand, students studying at school are at advantage compared with others who learn at home. To begin with, teachers can encourage their students to learn harder. To be specific, they keep them totally concentrated on lessons, which not only do tutors stimulate the spirit of learning among students but also help students have great breakthroughs. Next, students sometimes make mistakes during the studying process, so teachers are the ones to correct the wrong errors for them. In consequence, this choice is much better for pupils to study in class. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that after school, students need to spend more time doing their homework themselves so that this combination gives you best results you can gain
Attending a formal education plays an indispensable role among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have strong view toward this opinion, others oppose that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a teacher.
Personally
, the best answer for this question is the combination of tutoring at school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at home due to the following points.

On the one hand, self-study
Possible spelling mistake found.
js
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain more knowledge.
First
and foremost, it is a great convenience than others as they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at anytime and anywhere through the Internet,
especially
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
method
possibly
limits the difficulties of far distance.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
on the Internet alone gives them a large amount of information sources.
Undoubtedly
, the Internet is greater improvement than traditional library
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can find out a variety of available materials in any fields immediately.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
updated knowledge from Internet,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are capable of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits from self-study.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at school are at advantage compared with others who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at home. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, teachers can encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
harder. To be specific, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
totally
concentrated on lessons, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do tutors stimulate the spirit of learning among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have great breakthroughs.
Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
teachers are the ones to correct the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
errors for them. In consequence, this choice is much better for pupils to study in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that after school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to spend more time doing their homework themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this combination gives you best results you can gain
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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