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Mobile phone and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. In what ways can mobile phone and the internet be useful to the old people? What could be done to encourage to the old people to use? v.2

Mobile phone and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. In what ways can mobile phone and the internet be useful to the old people? What could be done to encourage to the old people to use? v. 2
Technology has picturized it' s development by leaps and bounds. Moreover, Through out the globe every individual has his/her gadgets (Mobile Phone, Laptops, MacBook)with them where ever they go. But people of old age find difficulty to adopt these technology. However, There are many ways to help old people so that they could easily manipulate these gadgets in their daily life. To commence, Old age person is more keen about hearing news, listening to old music or perhaps, to watch cricket. Therefore, Internet can help them to see what they want. Moreover, Using Internet is very simple. For instance, An survey which was conducted in China illustrated that, due to usage of Internet old people who were retired from there job, found that Internet is the best way to utilize their free time. secondly, Mobile Internet encourage every age group people to meet new friends by using social sites(Facebook, Instagram, Skype). Furthermore, Mobiles phone, Laptops, Macbook Should be design traditionaly(Old material) which will attract old people towards it. Apart from this companies can store old music app in Mobile phone which would be inbuilt inside the mobile. For example, A mobile company in India has launched a radio which is named as " Karvan" who has around 2, 000 song of old generation. These types of thing facinate old peoole towards them. To sum up, Techonology is benefical is many ways but, It also has a demerits old people are in a age in which they could be effected by usage of mobile phone.
Technology has picturized
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s development by leaps and bounds.
Moreover
,
Did you mean "throughout"?
Through out
the globe every individual has his/her gadgets (Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Phone
, Laptops, MacBook)with them where ever they go.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
find difficulty to adopt
Did you mean "this technology" or "these technologies"?
these technology
.
However
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could
easily
manipulate these gadgets in their daily life.

To commence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
person is more keen about hearing news, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
music or perhaps, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cricket.
Therefore
, Internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what they want.
Moreover
, Using Internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple.
For instance
, An survey which
was conducted
in China illustrated that, due to usage of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
were retired
from there job, found that Internet is the best way to utilize their free time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, Mobile Internet encourage every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends by using social sites(Facebook, Instagram, Skype).

Furthermore
, Mobiles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, Laptops,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Macbook


Should be design
Possible spelling mistake found.
traditionaly
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
material) which will attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards it. Apart from
Did you mean "these"?
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
music app in Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
which would be inbuilt inside the mobile.
For example
, A mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in India has launched a radio which
is named
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karvan&quot
; who has around 2, 000 song of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation. These types of thing
Possible spelling mistake found.
facinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoole
towards them.

To sum up,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Techonology
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, It
also
has a demerits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in which they could
be effected
by usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Mobile phone and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. In what ways can mobile phone and the internet be useful to the old people? What could be done to encourage to the old people to use? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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