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Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. v. 1
These days, modern people are keen to think that economic progress is essential for the country rather than other purposes and goals such as culture, education or healthcare. However, others feel that the authorities should not concentrate on the wealth and investment, because the main goal of the country, which can motivate the citizens, should be social and historical values. On the one hand, it is true that the main goal of the country, which is willing to develop, should be the well-being of the citizens. In this regard, many people tend to think that if the government can provide the materials and facilities, the individuals can set up the new businesses. Consequently, the region can develop. Furthermore, there are many other institutions such as the places of worship, educational institutions and healthcare facilities which are supposed to provide the advice and knowledge for the people. Accordingly, the governmental organizations should focus on the economic progression of the area. On the other hand, some people are reckoned to think that there are other things which are equally important for the state. These things can be cultural values, the level of literacy and healthcare. Moreover, some individuals tend to think that the these things can determinate. The development of the countries. To illustrate, many developed countries have modern technologies and human capital which are crucial for their progression. In conclusion, although many people tend to think that the authorities should focus on the well-being of the state, others feel that the government should only concentrate on economics. Personally, I believe that the state which is able to provide the investment is suitable for many regions.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that economic progress is essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purposes and goals such as culture, education or healthcare.
However
, others feel that the authorities should not concentrate on the wealth and investment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the main goal of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which can motivate the citizens, should be social and historical values.

On the one hand, it is true that the main goal of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which is willing to develop, should be the well-being of the citizens. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can provide the materials and facilities, the individuals can set up the new businesses.
Consequently
, the region can develop.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
institutions such as the places of worship, educational institutions and healthcare facilities which
are supposed
to provide the advice and knowledge for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Accordingly
, the governmental organizations should focus on the economic progression of the area.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reckoned
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things which are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the state. These things can be cultural values, the level of literacy and healthcare.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the these things can determinate.

The development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have modern technologies and human capital which are crucial for their progression.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the authorities should focus on the well-being of the state, others feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrate on economics.
Personally
, I believe that the state which is able to provide the investment is suitable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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