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Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. v. 4
While building up a worthy professional life is of paramount importance to some people, the other section is totally focused on investing their invaluable time for their family and friends. I strongly believe that, though, everyone must have some family time, it is more important to devote one’s precious time on creating a successful professional life. Firstly, those who argue that, building a valuable career is absolutely crucial, they might get this idea triggered, because of a multitude of reasons, such as a craving for a better quality of life, and expecting a solid financial security for the family. Moreover, to achieve this difficult target, people sometimes must sacrifice their personal interests or family relations. In addition, the aspirants should carefully execute their plans to learn the new skills and build their professional network of people. For example, as per the recent survey by The Times of India, nearly 62% of the higher secondary students across India, are ready to join their choice of college even it is located far from their family. This means, career prospects taking precedence over the family. On the other side, some people believe that spending time with the well-wishers and the family members should not be discounted at any cost. As per the famous saying, “Family is a strength, but not a weakness”, one’s individual growth will be greatly impacted by one’s emotional stability. To develop this strength, family and friends helps to a great extent. To exemplify this, a recent research conducted by Ohio State University, up to 78% of the people, who are spending at least 16 hours per week with family and friends, have responded with positive and compassionate responses to a questionnaire, when compared with their counterparts. Also, the experienced advices from the family and friends can sometimes help an individual, both professionally and personally. In conclusion, though hanging out with the family and friends helps people emotionally and psychologically, the best way to burn the clock is to invest in career growth due to the results they yield in the future. Hence, I would recommend, every person should consciously distribute their leisure time between learning new skills for the future, and to make valuable personal moments of life with our fellow beings.
While building up a worthy professional life is of paramount importance to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the other section is
totally
focused on investing their invaluable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. I
strongly
believe that, though, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to devote one’s precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on creating a successful professional life.

Firstly
, those who argue that, building a valuable career is
absolutely
crucial, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
triggered,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a multitude of reasons, such as a craving for a better quality of life, and expecting a solid financial security for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Moreover
, to achieve this difficult target,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
sacrifice their personal interests or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relations.
In addition
, the aspirants should
carefully
execute their plans to learn the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and build their professional network of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, as per the recent survey by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India,
nearly
62% of the higher secondary students across India, are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their choice of college even it
is located
far from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This means, career prospects taking precedence over the family.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the well-wishers and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members should not
be discounted
at any cost. As per the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Family
is a strength,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not a weakness”, one’s individual growth will be
greatly
impacted by one’s emotional stability. To develop this strength,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to a great extent. To exemplify this, a recent research conducted by Ohio State University, up to 78% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are spending at least 16 hours per week with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, have responded with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and compassionate responses to a questionnaire, when compared with their counterparts.
Also
, the experienced advices from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual, both
professionally
and
personally
.

In conclusion
, though hanging out with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
emotionally
and
psychologically
, the best way to burn the clock is to invest in career growth due to the results they yield in the future.
Hence
, I would recommend, every person should
consciously
distribute their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
between learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the future, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
valuable personal moments of life with our fellow beings.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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