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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.23

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 23
Parents are very touchy about their kids. Therefore, they purchase a lot of toys in order to make their children happy. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this strategy using the examples of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey to demonstrate points and support claims. On the one hand, purchasing a large number of toys have twofold benefits. Firstly, playing with toys will improve the toddler's analytical approach. Secondly, toys like building blocks provides them the opportunity to research more ways to construct a new thing. For example, it is said about Jahangeer Khan that in his childhood he sued to play with a lot of toys and his past tells us that he won 12 squash championships. So, it is clear from this example, that having more toys are beneficial for the child mental development. On the other hand, there are few disadvantages of this strategy. As, children don't understand the importance of earning that how their guardians are earning money to purchase these toys. Additionally, having more toys makes infants proud. Similarly, a survey of Time Magazine suggests the same story that 60% people dislike the idea of purchasing a lot of toys for their children as this makes their mind negative about other kids and they start hating them because they have few toys. So from this example, it is clear that toys sometimes develop negative behaviour in growing babies. To conclude, it is good that parents buy toys for their kids because of its countless benefits, but too many toys sometimes initiates negative attitude problem in toddlers. And it is also more appropriate approach that fathers and mothers link the toys with some task, that if you achieve that certain task, we will purchase a new toy for you.
Parents are
very
touchy about their kids.
Therefore
, they
purchase
a lot of
toys
in order to
make
their children happy. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this strategy using the
examples
of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey to demonstrate points and support claims.

On the one hand, purchasing
a large number of
toys
have twofold benefits.
Firstly
, playing with
toys
will
improve
the toddler's analytical approach.
Secondly
,
toys
like building blocks provides them the opportunity to research more ways to construct a new thing. For
example
, it
is said
about
Jahangeer
Khan that in his childhood he sued to play with
a lot of
toys
and his past
tells
us that he won 12 squash championships.
So
, it is
clear
from this
example
, that having more
toys
are beneficial for the child mental development.

On the other hand
, there are few disadvantages of this strategy.
As
, children don't understand the importance of earning that how their guardians are earning money to
purchase
these
toys
.
Additionally
, having more
toys
makes
infants proud.
Similarly
, a survey of Time Magazine suggests the same story that 60%
people
dislike the
idea
of purchasing
a lot of
toys
for their children as this
makes
their mind
negative
about other
kids and
they
start
hating them
because
they have few
toys
.
So
from this
example
, it is
clear
that
toys
sometimes
develop
negative
behaviour
in growing babies.

To conclude
, it is
good
that parents
buy
toys
for their kids
because
of its countless benefits,
but
too
many
toys
sometimes
initiates
negative
attitude problem in toddlers. And it is
also
more appropriate approach that fathers and mothers link the
toys
with
some
task, that if you achieve that certain task, we will
purchase
a new
toy
for you.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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