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Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 3
Personal characteristics of famous people are really effective in determining their payment. Paying too much money for public figures is a debate among audience as those celebrities differ in the type of the effect they have on their society. They can affect their society negatively or positively. In my opinion, it is all about appreciation of the human effort. This essay will discuss both views. Exaggerated care about one-man behaviour till this celebrity think that he deserves the money that he earns just only for his thoughts and believing is a quite wrong idea. Some public figures seek to spread many bad ideas such as violence culture, as they think this is a type showing courage. To explain this, Mohamed Ramadan is one of the public figures that has a negative impact on our society. He does nothing to the community except encouraging crime and fighting. Entertainers like Mohamed Ramadan do not deserve all this amount of money, and instead all of this money should be paid for doctors, scientists and policemen who really benefit their society. Ambitious public figures who fight against depressing social circumstances should be considered as a successful role model that all people should look at and follow their steps to success. Paying celebrities much money is a great action that could be done towards them as many youngsters follow their way to success, till they reach their destination. Mohamed salah is one of the highly paid football players who overcome the wrong social thoughts that there is no Egyptian football player could be one of the greatest players in the world. When Mohamed salah made a campaign against drugs, drug addicted youngsters responds to this as they take off addiction. It is fair enough for many famous men to earn any amount of money for the appreciation of effort and success. To conclude, the personal and social impact of famous actor, musician and football player is the only thing that determines his deserved payment. In my point of view, human effort should be encouraged and respected.
Personal characteristics of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
really
effective in determining their payment. Paying too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
is a debate among audience as those celebrities differ in the type of the effect they have on their society. They can affect their society
negatively
or
positively
. In my opinion, it is all about appreciation of the human effort. This essay will discuss both views.

Exaggerated care about one-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
till this celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that he deserves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that he earns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for his thoughts and believing is a quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
seek to spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
such as violence culture, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a type showing courage. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this, Mohamed Ramadan is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
that has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our society. He does nothing to the community except encouraging crime and fighting. Entertainers like Mohamed Ramadan do not deserve all this amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and
instead
all of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be paid
for doctors, scientists and policemen who
really
benefit their society.

Ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
who fight against depressing social circumstances should
be considered
as a successful role model that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should look at and follow their steps to success. Paying celebrities much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a great action that could
be done
towards them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters follow their way to success, till they reach their destination. Mohamed
Possible spelling mistake found.
salah
is one of the
highly
paid football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who overcome the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
social thoughts that there is no Egyptian football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
could be one of the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in the world. When Mohamed
Possible spelling mistake found.
salah
made a campaign against drugs, drug addicted youngsters responds to this as they take off addiction. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to earn any amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the appreciation of effort and success.

To conclude
, the personal and social impact of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actor, musician and football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that determines his deserved payment. In my point of view, human effort should
be encouraged
and respected.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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