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Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams e g football However some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports e g tennis and swimming Discuss about views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams e g football However some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports e g tennis and swimming Discuss about views and give your own opinion v. 1
It is often argued that despite responsibilities, adult life is full of happiness, while some say that life during teenage is more jubilant. I believe that although the adult phase of life is full of joy, youth days are the happiest one. On the one hand, why people think that regardless of many roles and duties adults are happy. This is because when people become mature their jubilation depends on their successful career and a satisfactory relationship with their family. In fact, if there is a balance between work and family, adults feel satisfied which makes them happy. For instance, in a survey by The Guardian 65% of people aged between 25-45 reported that work-life balance impacts their happiness in a way that if there is any disturbance they get stressed. Hence, I believe that for an adult, being happy depends on work and life, there are chances that they do not enjoy this rejoice as they did during teenage. One the other hand, critics say that young age is joyful. The reason behind this is that during adolescence, they do not have any major responsibilities and depend on parents for their expenses. Due to this, they do not have any stress, and they totally enjoy this time. For example, in India, it is reported that most of the adolescents are enjoying their life with their peers because their parents are supporting them financially. I am convinced that in teenage only cheerfulness persists without any anxieties. In conclusion, I believe that while adults stay delighted along with their commitments to family and job, teen years of life are most cheerful due to lack of burden and anxieties.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that despite responsibilities, adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is full of happiness, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
during teenage is more jubilant. I believe that although the adult phase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is full of joy, youth days are the happiest one.

On the one hand, why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that regardless of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
roles and duties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are happy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become mature their jubilation depends on their successful career and a satisfactory relationship with their family. In fact, if there is a balance between work and family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
feel satisfied which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy.
For instance
, in a survey by The Guardian 65% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged between 25-45 reported that work-life balance impacts their happiness in a way that if there is any disturbance they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
Hence
, I believe that for an adult, being happy depends on work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, there are chances that they do not enjoy
The verb 'rejoice' is plural. Did you mean: "this rejoices"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this rejoice
as they did during teenage.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, critics say that young age is joyful. The reason behind this is that during adolescence, they do not have any major responsibilities and depend on parents for their expenses. Due to this, they do not have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and they
totally
enjoy this time.
For example
, in India, it
is reported
that most of the adolescents are enjoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with their peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents are supporting them
financially
. I
am convinced
that in teenage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cheerfulness persists without any anxieties.

In conclusion
, I believe that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
stay delighted along with their commitments to family and job, teen years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
Did you mean "the most"?
most
cheerful due to lack of burden and anxieties.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams e g football However some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports e g tennis and swimming Discuss about views and give your own opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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