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Some people think it is important for all children to learn history in school. Others believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s lives today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think it is important for all children to learn history in school. Others believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s lives today. v. 1
Nowadays, an increasing number of children ignore the important of history. However, whether studying history in school is significant for them has sparked spirited debates. I believe it is important to know knowledge in the field of history, children do need to pay more attention to other subjects which is linked to their daily life. On the one hand, focusing on studying history would explore their eyes and acquire some knowledge for children. This is because they can know some great achievements for some history books and use them after modifying slightly. For example, children can learn and use some mathematic formulas from some history books about math when they answer some kinds of questions. If they research these formulas personally rather than use them straightly, it will waste them a lot of time. On the other hand, some people hold the opposite attitude that they should learn other subjects that are more relevant to their lives now. Firstly, children always study the newest knowledge in the subjects such as computer science, physics and mathematics. For instance, some technology about computer science like AI and big data can only be introduced in computer courses. Secondly, these subjects are easier for children to understand because there is less gap living in the same social background between the researchers and authors who successfully get these researching achievement and children. Personally, I believe children would pay more attention to the other subjects because they are updated and easy to learn. Although studying history is considerable for children, focusing on other subjects are more justifiable.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
However
, whether studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in school is significant for them has sparked spirited debates. I believe it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know knowledge in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do need to pay more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
is linked
to their daily life.

On the one hand, focusing on studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
would explore their eyes and acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great achievements for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
books and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them after modifying
slightly
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mathematic formulas from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
books about math when they answer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of questions. If they research these formulas
personally
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
straightly
, it will waste them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the opposite attitude that they should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are more relevant to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always study the newest knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as computer science, physics and mathematics.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technology about computer science like AI and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
data can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be introduced
in computer courses.
Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is less gap living in the same social background between the researchers and authors who
successfully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these researching achievement and children.

Personally
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would pay more attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are updated
and easy to learn. Although studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is considerable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are more justifiable.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think it is important for all children to learn history in school. Others believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s lives today. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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