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Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative and positive impacts of playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v.4

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative and positive impacts of playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v. 4
These days, several persons could use computer systems for variety of things, and an increasing number of young ones engage themselves in playing games on laptops and tablets. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of allowing youngsters play games on systems, as well as proffer ways of reducing the drawbacks of this activity. One of the major benefits of computerised games among adolescents is that it enhances their thinking capabilities. Due to the fact that they play electronic games with rapt attention, they are able to rack their brains to produce desired results. When they transfer this thinking ability to their studies, they perform excellently in cognitive domains. Moreover, when the young ones indulge in PC games, they get entertained and feel ecstatic, especially when they win which is quite good for their emotional stability. Also, games such as 'prison break' and 'hero' teach them to persevere until reward comes. However, there are few drawbacks of this activity, one of which is addiction. A child can easily become addicted to some of these games and he or she could lose interest in studies as well as relationship with other people. For example, some youngsters show poor academic performance because their mind is always occupied with one game or the other. Another downside is the fact that these young ones sometimes lose their social and behavioural skills, they exhibit violence tendencies as they unconsciously act out what they have been busy with on systems. For example, a child that spends time playing 'manhunt' or 'death race' games may end up becoming violent and brutal in the society. Some measures can play important role in reducing the adverse effects of computerised games. One of these measures is that governments should enact a law that prohibits individuals younger than nineteen from using tablets or systems on certain days of the week. This will reduce their level of exposure as well as give them the opportunity to spend their time on something more productive. Additionally, some games which promote violence, mischief, and brutality should be banned in order to prevent the adolescents from being exposed to such acts, thereby protecting the society as a whole. In conclusion, presently we have many computer users and an increased number of adolescents indulging in games on workstations. This situation has some benefits for the young ones, its demerits can be alleviated by enacting laws to create computer-free days as well as banning some violent games on computer systems.
These days, several persons could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
for variety of things, and an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
engage themselves in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on laptops and tablets. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of allowing youngsters play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as proffer ways of reducing the drawbacks of this activity.

One of the major benefits of
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among adolescents is that it enhances their thinking capabilities. Due to the fact that they play electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with rapt attention, they are able to rack their brains to produce desired results. When they transfer this thinking ability to their studies, they perform
excellently
in cognitive domains.
Moreover
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
indulge in PC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertained and feel ecstatic,
especially
when they win which is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their emotional stability.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as 'prison break' and 'hero' teach them to persevere until reward
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
.

However
, there are few drawbacks of this activity, one of which is addiction. A child can
easily
become addicted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
he or she could lose interest in studies as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as relationship with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
poor academic performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their mind is always occupied with one game or the other. Another downside is the fact that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lose their social and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they exhibit violence tendencies as they
unconsciously
act out what they have been busy with on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
For example
, a child that spends time playing 'manhunt' or 'death race'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up becoming violent and brutal in the society.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
measures can play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in reducing the adverse effects of
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. One of these measures is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should enact a law that prohibits individuals younger than nineteen from using tablets or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
on certain days of the week. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their level of exposure as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as give them the opportunity to spend their time on something more productive.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which promote violence, mischief, and brutality should
be banned
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the adolescents from
being exposed
to such acts, thereby protecting the society as a whole.

In conclusion
,
presently
we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
computer users and an increased number of adolescents indulging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on workstations. This situation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, its demerits can
be alleviated
by enacting laws to create computer-free days as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as banning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative and positive impacts of playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
413 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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