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In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem. v.1

In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem. v. 1
A while ago, people integrated art as part of their life style. Many people consider visiting museums and galleries as part of their hobby. While these hobbies still exist in some countries, most countries have seen a sharp decline in the number of young people interested in public galleries. In this essay, I will explain the possible cause and solution to solve this problem. To begin with, the main reasons for sharp decline in popularity of these galleries is Modern Art. Young people, mostly consider this form of category a joke. While contemporary artists used their creativity to express the history, emotions, and life styles, the modern artistry does not have this level of complexity embedded in it. Earlier, artists used statues, portraits as a form, and left the to the viewer's interpretation, and that level of enigma does not exist in modern. Another problem with the is the exorbitant price the galleries place for novice artists. In order to maintain their reputation, most galleries display only the works of famous artists, while rejecting the created by new ones. As there is no opportunity for the upcoming artists, most people consider a risky business, and leave their passion for survival. To increase interest in the current generation, the upcoming artists should focus more on artwork than on people's approval, at the same time galleries should develop a synergy with artists and avoid being picky and take risks. The management must embrace new artists. The galleries should create a synergy between old and new artists to develop modern artists and removes the doubt in peoples mind for as a risky business
A while ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
integrated art as part of their life style.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider visiting museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
as part of their hobby. While these hobbies
still
exist in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, most countries have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a sharp decline in the number of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interested in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the possible cause and solution to solve this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reasons for sharp decline in popularity of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is Modern Art. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
mostly
consider this form of category a joke. While contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their creativity to express the history, emotions, and life styles, the modern artistry does not have this level of complexity embedded in it. Earlier,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
statues, portraits as a form, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the to the viewer's interpretation, and that level of enigma does not exist in modern.

Another problem with
Please check whether a word is missing between 'the' and 'is' or whether 'the' is the correct determiner.
the
is the exorbitant price the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
place for novice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. In order to maintain their reputation, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
display
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the works of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, while rejecting the created by new ones. As there is no opportunity for the upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider a risky business, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their passion for survival.

To increase interest in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation, the upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should focus more on artwork than on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's approval, at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should develop a synergy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and avoid being picky and take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. The management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
embrace new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should create a synergy between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to develop modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and removes the doubt in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
mind for as a risky
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
business
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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