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Some people think it is better for children to begin to learn a foreign language at primary school that at secondary school. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some people think it is better for children to begin to learn a foreign language at primary school that at secondary school. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Some people argue that teaching foreign language to pupils is more beneficial at primary school instead of secondary school. In my opinion, it has numerous benefits for children which helps them to learn new language at very early age. Initially, there are numerous merits of learning a foreign language at primary school. Firstly, it motivates learners to speak confidently among foreigners. Secondly, it helps pupils to boost their abilities to cope with any problems. The reason is that a child learns new languages such as English, Spanish, Japanese and many more from a elementary level. His/her knowledge is not only limited to particular language but also increased widely. Thirdly, scholars know the culture, tradition, rituals of foreigners. So, they have accessed to several sorts of jobs such as teachers, managers, tourists guide in and out of the country. For instance, if a child is fluent at a foreign language from an early stage ans after completing school, they may easily get occupation in the field of tourism. Despite the advantages, there are a drawback of studying second language at primary school. Children can easily be attracted to foreign lifestyles, norms, values, customs and loose interest about their own way of living, festivals which will affect the development of country in a negative way. For example, youth who are moving to aboard for their further study. Later, they donot want to return their homeland due to the sedimentary lifestyles of overseas. In conclusion, although learning new language at primary school has few adverse effects. However, it has plenty of advantages than its demerits. Hence, it is more convenient to begin learning foreign language at an early stage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to pupils is more beneficial at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
instead
of secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion, it has numerous benefits for children which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.

Initially
, there are numerous merits of learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Firstly
, it motivates learners to speak
confidently
among foreigners.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
pupils to boost their abilities to cope with any problems. The reason is that a child learns new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
such as English, Spanish, Japanese and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more from
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
elementary level. His/her knowledge is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited to particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increased
widely
.
Thirdly
, scholars know the culture, tradition, rituals of foreigners.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they have accessed to several sorts of jobs such as teachers, managers, tourists guide in and out of the country.
For instance
, if a child is fluent at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
from an early stage ans after completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they may
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
occupation in the field of tourism.

Despite the advantages, there are a drawback of studying second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Children can
easily
be attracted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
lifestyles, norms, values, customs and loose interest about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of living, festivals which will affect the development of country in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
For example
, youth who are moving to aboard for their
further
study. Later, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
want to return their homeland due to the sedimentary lifestyles of overseas.

In conclusion
, although learning new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has few adverse effects.
However
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advantages than its demerits.
Hence
, it is more convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at an early stage.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is better for children to begin to learn a foreign language at primary school that at secondary school. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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