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It is necessary for parents attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is necessary for parents attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 1
There is no question that parenting is the greatest responsibility of our life and catastrophic mistakes are able to ruin the future of child. Many people believe that, nowadays the necessity of parenting course for parent is more prominent. I personally agree with the idea of taking parenting course. It is undeniable that parents are the only persons who should bear the responsibility of the future of their child. Since many young people are become parent and the number of nuclear family is enhanced, parents requires a great deal of knowledge. Given the status que, participating in parenting courses would be immensely helpful. In addition, the outcome of being oblivious about how to foster a baby, sometimes would have been uncompensated. For instance, parent that are not aware of digestion problems and medical attentions of babies, will jeopardize their offspring’s life. Moreover, taking parenting course before and after pregnancy plays a vital role for the father as well as the mother. Since it has a significant effect on father’s sense of responsibility. Hence, there was a belief that the role of the mother is more prominent because of having birth the babies. Thus, before passing these courses, fathers take fewer responsibilities for upbringing a baby particularly when one is infant. However, these training courses bring about raising knowledge and develop a sense of corporation between parents. New research demonstrate that parents who were trained at parenting courses, would have more intimacy after their baby born. To conclude, due to the fact that mentioned, I would argue that parenting course is essential for becoming an apt parent. Consequently, it raises the knowledge of the parents and improves their relationship.
There is no question that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of our life and catastrophic mistakes are able to ruin the future of child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, nowadays the necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is more prominent. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
course.

It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
persons who should bear the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of the future of their child. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and the number of nuclear family
is enhanced
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
requires a great deal of knowledge.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the status
Possible spelling mistake found.
que
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
would be
immensely
helpful.
In addition
, the outcome of being oblivious about how to foster a baby,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
would have
been uncompensated
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
that are not aware of digestion problems and medical attentions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
, will jeopardize their offspring’s life.

Moreover
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after pregnancy plays a vital role for the father
as well
as the mother.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
it has a significant effect on father’s sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
.
Hence
, there was a belief that the role of the mother is more prominent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having birth the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
passing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, fathers take fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
for upbringing a baby
particularly
when one is infant.
However
, these training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
bring about raising knowledge and develop a sense of corporation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. New research demonstrate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
were trained
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, would have more intimacy after their baby born.

To conclude
, due to the fact that mentioned, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is essential for becoming an apt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
.
Consequently
, it raises the knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their relationship.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is necessary for parents attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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