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In many parts of world there is continuos coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss the view and give your own opinion. v.1

In many parts of world there is continuos coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss the view and give your own opinion. v. 1
In many Nations, the television shows too much sport in different parts of days, as a matter of fact, some people think this situation could lead to discourage young people from practising sports. First of all, it needs to understand the reason why there are a lot of sport programmes on television. For example, the teenager could be fun watching sports or they could have a particular passion for one of them. Moreover, the huge quantities of sport on TV may courage young people to watch unknown sport, developing it. It's true that these programmes aren't cultural ones, but at the same time we can see a reduction of trash transmissions and sport is better than them because the young people could imitate the behaviour of people of trashy programmes. Anyway, I agree with the point of view that too much sports on TV is bad because a young could be alienated, in fact a professional is better than you, so you could never believe in your capacity. Although, this is a problem due to society, not to sport: a person could practise an activity, a hobby because he is interested in it, not to be the best or better than others. The society changes this, making competitive everything. I believe the main problem of sports in television isn't about the behaviour of young people, but it is an economic issue: athletes earn too much money and on TV there are few movies, thus decreasing independent films. Summing up, it's important to reduce the hours of sports in TV, but at the same time we could create a new culture of sport founded on the fun and on the passion, not on the money.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Nations, the television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of days, as a matter of fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this situation could lead to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it needs to understand the reason why there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on television.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
could be fun watching
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports or
they could have a particular passion for one of them.
Moreover
, the huge quantities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
on TV may courage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, developing it. It's true that these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
aren't cultural ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a reduction of trash transmissions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is better than them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could imitate the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of trashy
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. Anyway, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point of view that too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
could
be alienated
, in fact a professional is better than you,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you could never believe in your capacity. Although, this is a problem due to society, not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
: a person could
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
an activity, a hobby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
is interested
in it, not to be the best or better than others. The society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
this, making competitive everything. I believe the main problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in television isn't about the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is an economic issue: athletes earn too much money and on TV there are few movies,
thus
decreasing independent films. Summing up, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time we could create a new culture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
founded on the fun and on the passion, not on the money.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay In many parts of world there is continuos coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss the view and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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