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Many people believe children should begin learning a foreign language in primary school instead of secondary school. Do you think the advantages of learning a foreign language in primary school outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many people believe children should begin learning a foreign language in primary school instead of secondary school. Do you think the advantages of learning a foreign language in primary school outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is argued whether students should start to approach second language in kindergarten or in elementary school. The essay will outline why I believe that the merits of learning a foreign language before going to secondary school outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, studying a foreign language earlier can help pupils learning faster. One of the main reasons is that young learners incline to learn a new language quicker before age 6 according to a report released by National Education Department. In addition, if children are able to get familiar with second language before entering elementary school, it will help them save more time in the future. For example, there are already many subjects such as math and national language that kids need to learn. Provided that they are taught foreign language before then, they can have more time spending on other domains. On the other hand, the advocate who think foreign language should be one of the classes until secondary school content that it is likely to affect their learning on mother tongue. Since kids may be to too young to understand the differences between mother language and foreign language, they may become confused and take more time to speak both well, leading to a catastrophic outcome in the future. Furthermore, less confident students may be cultivated by the policy due to the difficulty of leaning in their early age. In conclusion, although there are some potential drawbacks if we let out beloved children to learn a second language before entering elementary, these negative effects can be solved by providing professional language teacher in kindergarten. Therefore, in my opinion, the benefits of studying a foreign language, in terms of efficiency of studying in new language or in other subjects during secondary school, prevail over the downsides.
It
is argued
whether students should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to approach second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in kindergarten or in elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The essay will outline why I believe that the merits of learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
going to secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
earlier can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pupils learning faster. One of the main reasons is that young learners incline to learn a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
quicker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
age 6 according to a report released by National Education Department.
In addition
, if children are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
entering elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them save more time in the future.
For example
, there are already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects such as math and national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that kids need to learn. Provided that they
are taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
then, they can have more time spending on other domains.

On the other hand
, the advocate who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should be one of the classes until secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
content that it is likely to affect their learning on mother tongue. Since kids may be to too young to understand the differences between mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, they may become confused and take more time to speak both well, leading to a catastrophic outcome in the future.
Furthermore
, less confident students may
be cultivated
by the policy due to the difficulty of leaning in their early age.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential drawbacks if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
Did you mean "our"?
out
beloved children to learn a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
entering elementary, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects can
be solved
by providing professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
teacher in kindergarten.
Therefore
, in my opinion, the benefits of studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, in terms of efficiency of studying in new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
or in other subjects during secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, prevail over the downsides.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe children should begin learning a foreign language in primary school instead of secondary school. Do you think the advantages of learning a foreign language in primary school outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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