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some people think it is better for children if the whole families ( e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

some people think it is better for children if the whole families ( e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion? v. 1
Involvement of the complete families (e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents) for child upbringing is better in some people aspect, relatively, only by their parents. This essay agrees, that the child can be grow up in more better way when raise by combine families. Firstly, this essay will discuss the learning of a child by experiences of different family members and secondly, it will discuss the love, care and the sense of sharing among the family. Children can learn a lot from their elders for instance, from their grandparents, they can learn about the different traditions which have been adopted over the time also they can learn how to respect the elders. They can also get help from their sibling in their studies. Different sports could be learned while playing with cousin, which leads them to be a part of extra curricular activities. Other points to consider are that when kids play and live together, it will develop the sense of sharing among them because they share different things within each other. In addition to that they will also get extra love and care from their uncles, aunts and grandparents which are very beneficial for them in different aspects, for example, if parents had to travel out of the station due to some work then in this case care can be taken by other family members. While one thing should always be under consideration that kids get proper time for studies because it is quite possible that studies can be skipped if kids spend much time in playing however, this could be controlled by keeping check on them. In conclusion children growing will be much better if they will live in combined families as it will increase their learning capabilities, develops a sense of sharing and providing them extra love and care which children always needed.
Involvement of the complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
(e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents) for child upbringing is better in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aspect,
relatively
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by their parents. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
, that the child can be
Consider using the past participle "grown"?
grow
up in
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
way when raise by combine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the learning of a child by experiences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and
secondly
, it will discuss the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and the sense of sharing among the family.

Children can learn a lot from their elders
for instance
, from their grandparents, they can learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
traditions which have
been adopted
over the time
also
they can learn how to respect the elders. They can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their sibling in their studies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
sports could
be learned
while playing with cousin, which leads them to be a part of
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities.

Other points to consider are that when kids play and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together, it will develop the sense of sharing among them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things within each other.
In addition
to that they will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
from their uncles, aunts and grandparents which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
aspects,
for example
, if parents had to travel out of the station due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work then
in this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
can
be taken
by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. While one thing should always be under consideration that kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper time for studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is quite possible that studies can
be skipped
if kids spend much time in playing
however
, this could
be controlled
by keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on them.

In conclusion
children growing will be much better if they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in combined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as it will increase their learning capabilities, develops a sense of sharing and providing them extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
which children always needed.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think it is better for children if the whole families ( e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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