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It is better for children if the whole families (e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children’s upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

It is better for children if the whole families (e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children’s upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion? v. 6
It is more advantageous when extended family members are involved in children's upbringing, instead of the responsibility lying solely on the parents. I completely agree that this is the best way to bring up children in a wholesome way. Firstly, this will help in developing a great self esteem. The fact that they have a lot of love at home will give them a sense of belonging. Involving children in activities with their uncles, aunties and grandparents help in their growth and development and also prepares them for the real world. There are a lot of life lessons to be learnt from Grandparents which parents may be too busy to instill in their children. For example, discussing family history with the children, teaching them cultural values, language and systems which they are able to identify with on a daily basis. Spending quality time with their extended family members will guarantee this and it will also forge a closer relationship amongst the children and extended family members. Another point is the fact that close relationship between the children and extended family members ensures stability and continuity in the children's lives. In a situation where the parents are separated or divorced, the extended family members will be a constant factor in their lives who they can feel safe and secure with all the time. For example, if the family always gathers at their Grandparent's house for Sunday lunch, this tradition will continue irrespective of what is going on between the parents. During this period of transition, they may be going through hard times that may be difficult for them to share with their parents, it will be such a relief knowing their uncles and aunties are always there to listen. Children do not react well to change, especially when they are still very young, so this will help them realise they are still very much loved by the parents and also their extended family members. In conclusion, maintaining positive relationships between children and their extended family should be encouraged and continued. It is an efficient and effective way of ensuring the emotional development of the children.
It is more advantageous when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are involved
in children's upbringing,
instead
of the responsibility lying
solely
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is the best way to bring up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider replacing "in a wholesome way" with the adverb for "wholesome"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a wholesome way
.

Firstly
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing a great
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
. The fact that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
at home will give them a sense of belonging. Involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in activities with their uncles, aunties and grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their growth and development and
also
prepares them for the real world. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
life lessons to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from Grandparents which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may be too busy to instill in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, discussing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, teaching them cultural values, language and systems which they are able to identify with on a daily basis. Spending quality time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
will guarantee this and it will
also
forge a closer relationship amongst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

Another point is the fact that close relationship between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
ensures stability and continuity in the children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In a situation where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are separated
or divorced, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
will be a constant factor in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
who they can feel safe and secure with all the time.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
always gathers at their Grandparent's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for Sunday lunch, this tradition will continue irrespective of what is going on between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. During this period of transition, they may be going through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times that may be difficult for them to share with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, it will be such a relief knowing their uncles and aunties are always there to listen.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
do not react well to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
especially
when they are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
they are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

In conclusion
, maintaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should
be encouraged
and continued. It is an efficient and effective way of ensuring the emotional development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children if the whole families (e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children’s upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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