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It is better for children if the whole families (e. g. aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

A few individuals believe that the involvement of the whole family can benefit for growing up of kids, instead of that to be the sole responsibility of parents. I completely agree with them. There are several reasons that effective for kids if the extended family are relative in the children's growing up. Firstly, Kids more get the chance of learning about the family tree and family traditions, indeed grandparents impart the knowledge about two last generations. It promotes the joint family culture among the young generation. The whole family can offer kids a different perspective and children can use it from their experience. Secondly, the increasing cost of living, both parents have to work to provide the cost of living for their children. They cannot spend enough time with their toddlers to education or doing special activities. As a result, whole families can be played an active role in nurturing offspring. The loneliness around kids is killed because children find a good relationship with families, and They have entertainment from playing with their grandparents or every member of the family. Less stressful of parents about their offspring if other family members care of the child. Finally, psychologist researching shows, The children's upbringing in a joint family In terms of social relations is better than the only parent. They claim that kids are learned group playing, coordinate and manage among individuals for example these family ties help them in work relationships in adulthood. In conclusion, my view is that a joint family is a good idea for the upbringing of children. That helps for father and mother and also kids can be acquired a variety of knowledge
A few individuals believe that the involvement of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can benefit for growing up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
instead
of that to be the sole responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them.

There are several reasons that effective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
if the extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are relative in the children's growing up.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance of learning about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tree and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
traditions,
indeed
grandparents impart the knowledge about two last generations. It promotes the joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
culture among the young generation. The whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it from their experience.

Secondly
, the increasing cost of living, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work to provide the cost of living for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They cannot spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time with their toddlers to education or doing special activities.
As a result
, whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
be played
an active role in nurturing offspring. The loneliness around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is killed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and They have entertainment from playing with their grandparents or every member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Less stressful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about their offspring if other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members care of the child.

Finally
, psychologist researching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, The children's upbringing in a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
In terms of social relations is better than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. They claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are learned
group playing, coordinate and manage among individuals
for example
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in work relationships in adulthood.

In conclusion
, my view is that a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for father and mother and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can
be acquired
a variety of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
knowledge
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Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay It is better for children if the whole families ( e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children’s upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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