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Nowadays many people work part or full time from home. Some people say that working from home has many benefits while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words v.3

Nowadays many people work part or full time from home. Some people say that working from home has many benefits while others disagree. v. 3
While there are some workers who say that telecommuting is imperative in their life, other people say that working in offices and companies is beneficial in socialization. Despite the positives of remote working, I am of the belief that offices help workers improve their communication and social skills. My point of view will be explained in the following essay. To begin with, the internet has become essential in every house, it becomes easier to create your own business from your home using social media platforms. Moreover, teleworking offers a chance for a person to manage his time without depending on regular shifts. For example, if a mother has got children, she can make her household work first and second, she can take care of her offspring, after that she can finish her work; according to a recent research in Egypt, 40 percent of working mothers are telecommuters. As it can be seen remote working save and manage a person's time. On the other hand, the relation among a manager and his staff or a worker and his colleagues in companies improves the social and interpersonal skills rather than telecommuting. In other words, these workers stay alone most of their working hours in their rooms and this can lead to depression and feeling of loneliness. This can be witnessed by the psychiatrists who say that most of the people who stay alone for a long time can observe a mental disorder because of their loneliness. If any person wants to develop his communication skills, he should take part in a team work. In conclusion, after this essay has shown the merits and demerits of working at home and in communities, it is important to try to develop a way of communication with others for remote workers. I adopt the stance that going out of home is better for a worker's mental health.
While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who say that telecommuting is imperative in their life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in offices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is beneficial in socialization. Despite the positives of remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, I am of the belief that offices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. My point of view will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the internet has become essential in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, it becomes easier to create your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business from your home using social media platforms.
Moreover
, teleworking offers a chance for a person to manage his time without depending on regular shifts.
For example
, if a mother has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
children, she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
her household work
first
and second, she can take care of her offspring, after that she can finish her work; according to a recent research in Egypt, 40 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers are telecommuters. As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
save and manage a person's time.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the relation among a manager and his staff or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
and his colleagues in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the social and interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
rather
than telecommuting. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
stay alone most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours in their rooms and this can lead to depression and feeling of loneliness. This can
be witnessed
by the psychiatrists who say that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who stay alone for a long time can observe a mental disorder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their loneliness. If any person wants to develop his communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, he should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a team work.

In conclusion
, after this essay has shown the merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home and in communities, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to try to develop a way of communication with others for remote workers.

I adopt the stance that going out of home is better for a worker's mental health.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays many people work part or full time from home. Some people say that working from home has many benefits while others disagree. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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