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Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans. Other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. ( discursive essay) v.1

Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans. Other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes. ( discursive essay) v. 1
It is argued that theatre, art and music should be considered as the prime subjects like maths and science at the elementary level. This essay disagrees with that statement because there are more career opportunities in the field of the main subjects like math, and it is more important to clear the basic concept of these subjects at primary level. If people pursue their studies in art and music, fewer employment options are available to them. This is because music and art have a limited career scope as it depends on the person’s talent and not everyone is gifted with a good voice or better acting skills. For example, a recent survey in India exhibits that more than 50% of the artists who wanted to pursue their job in acting or music are jobless and cannot feed their families due to unemployment. Another reason why math and science should be given more importance than art is the fact that the foundation of these subjects is built at the elementary level. In other words, if the concept of students about the basic principle is not clear, they cannot solve difficult problems in high school. For instance, Algebra is a branch of mathematics which students study at primary level and failing to understand it, will lead to the problems in solving applications of Algebra in high school. In conclusion, music and art should not be given equal importance as other subjects, especially at the elementary level because there are more chances of finding jobs if people pursue their career in core subjects, and it is important to know the fundamental idea of the main subjects at junior school.
It
is argued
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be considered
as the prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science at the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. This essay disagrees with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are more career opportunities in the field of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like math, and it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the basic concept of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at primary level.

If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pursue their studies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, fewer employment options are available to them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
have a limited career scope as it depends on the person’s talent and not everyone
is gifted
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
voice or better acting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, a recent survey in India exhibits that more than 50% of the artists who wanted to pursue their job in acting or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are jobless and cannot feed their families due to unemployment.

Another reason why math and science should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more importance than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the fact that the foundation of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is built
at the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
.
In other words
, if the concept of students about the basic principle is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, they cannot solve difficult problems in high school.
For instance
, Algebra is a branch of mathematics which students study at primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and failing to understand it, will lead to the problems in solving applications of Algebra in high school.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal importance as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
especially
at the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are more chances of finding jobs if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pursue their career in core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know the fundamental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at junior school.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans. Other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes. ( discursive essay) v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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